Barney Fife is Alive and Well in Atlanta

According to CBS Atlanta, Barney Fife is working for Atlanta PD. Imagine if you will, a conversation much like this:

Chief: "So, uh, where'd you say that gun was?"

Green: "Well, uh, I think I might have left it in my trunk."

Chief: "Well, is it in there now?"

Green: "Well, uh, no."

Chief: "So, how did it get out of the trunk?"

Green: "Uh, well, if you must know, the crack dealer took it when I didn't pay up."

No shit.

Biggest issue here:

"Atlanta police officials said in a statement Monday that they are still looking for the gun. 'At this time we are not commenting on the drug testing. The officer is suspended with pay pending a hearing with the chief of police,' the statement said."

What the fuck? Why are they paying him while they investigate his positive cocaine test and loss of his work weapon? Seriously.

I Came, I Saw, I...Failed

From my loving husband (makes gagging noise):

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt

Yes, I did not get into the nursing program. Unfortunately. Not because I wasn't one of the smarted and most highly qualified applicants. No, because I am currently taking Anatomy & Physiology, they wouldn't even consider me. Even though their website clearly says they do. Fucking assholes. What a waste. I am going to finish my summer classes and see what happens then...

My New Toy!

Meet my new toy. It is so awesomeness! My PDA wouldn't work on campus because it is ancient--but still wonderful, and I still use it... So, I rushed right out and bought me a mini lap top. It's soooo cute! Gag. Anyway. It's pretty close to my old laptop--but a third of the size and weight. It's much more portable, and I love it. Two things to be aware of if you are looking at mini laptops. 1) They run XP--not Vista. Vista is huge and honking and sucks anyway. So, no biggie. 2) There is not currently a mini I know of that has a CD/DVD drive. You have to get an external (~$75). Still, no biggie. This thing is perfect for trips and day to day use. The screen on mine is the 10-inch instead of the 8.9. It makes a HUGE difference. Do not get an 8.9-inch screen. Microcenter has good deals on them in general, but I prefer the HP. I got it $50 less than the HP site price. Now I'm off to play with my cutesy wootsey widdle bitty lappy toppy. (Makes gagging noises.)

"The NAACP Ain't Got Nothin' on N----- Hatin' Me..."

Alternate Title: N----- Against All Caucasian People

My lovely (and instigating) mother sent me another bullshit article from the Athens paper. Apparently, the NAACP is pissed because all the darkies are getting suspended more than the chalkies. I mean, really. Are you surprised? Aren't most of the men in prison black? If it's the blacks that are causing the trouble, bringing the guns, drugs, and fights to school, shouldn't they be the ones suspended? I speak from experience, having spent 10 weeks teaching 13-14 year old kids from the projects and poorer side of Pauling County. I wrote-up six kids. They all received ISS, not suspension. Of those six, only one was black. Yes, just one. And, we all know which side of racist I lean on. That should tell you something right there.

Confession: I Do Drugs (Legally)

Well, it's been quite some time since I've graced you with actual blogging. As I was driving home today in my husband's truck, "Big Red" (see below), which I am more than certain is short for Big Redneck Truck (since I call it that), I was just thinking. And, you know what I was thinking? I was just thinking, I'm happy. I'm happy even though I'm about to be at the end of my temporary position and have no idea if I'll get my unemployment back. I'm happy even though I am living in my in-laws' basement. I'm happy even though I'm completely exhausted. I'll be honest with you, it's probably the Paxil my doctor gave me a few weeks ago when I was a basket case. He also gave me Xanax "for when it's really bad". LOL The Ambien he gave me didn't last long. I was hallucinating. Not fun. Especially if you are not doing it for recreational purposes!

Big Red(neck Truck)

But, maybe, just maybe, in a more simple and forgiving world, I'm happy because I have a new dishwasher (with no electrical hookup for it and no cabinet to put it in).

Maybe it's because I have a new stove with glass top and self cleaning oven (with no electrical hookup for it).

Maybe it's because I have a new counter and cabinets with a new (redneck rigged) sink and faucet.

Maybe it's because I have a new counter top (just sitting over beside the minute amount of usable counter space).

Maybe it's because I have a new (ghetto) bathroom with a new (secondhand) counter and sink (which is an honestly huge improvement over the blue sink that was there--see below), shelving rack (because there are no cabinets), new shower (with plastic walls on a metal tub with chips in the PINK paint).

Maybe it's because I have a new curtain that cinches up all cutesy wootsey (and completely impossible to make like the picture) because there are no curtains available in the range of 25" to 35" to fit above the new air conditioner (which we have because we have no air down here, and it wouldn't matter anyway because my father-in-law controls the temperature, and he is always freezing, and I'm burning up to death like I'm in the pits of hell with a hot poker shoved up my ass sideways).

Or, maybe it's because of my super cactus (which now has this fungus-looking shit on it, and I think it's going to die).

Nah, it's probably the Paxil. Oh, drugs. They do make life grand!

KIDS! Don't do drugs!