Please note that I do not allow anonymous comments unless you inform me who you are. I am continuing to allow you to choose the option of anonymous or "Name/URL" so my family and friends with no log-in can leave me comments. If you choose not to be known to the public when you leave a comment, that is fine, but if you don't email me or let me know it was you, it will not be posted.

The Cannon Brewpub

The Cannon Brewpub is located in Columbus, GA, in the downtown square area. The city has done some major work in making the area very nice. It is very walkable (pedestrian friendly), and there is plenty of free parking (two hour limits). There are several restaurants and shops (and even a few bars, it looked like). The Cannon Brewpub is one of those restaurants. The inside has a very antique feel. It is very cool. I stole a couple pictures off their website, but this is really what it looks like:

You can find a menu here. I had the "Jim's Spinach and Artichoke" Dip. It was very, very good! I also had the "Chuck's Spinach Salad". It wasn't really what I expected, but it was pretty good. Let me warn you that when they say "spiced pecans", they mean spicy pecans. It is a cool atmosphere with pretty good food.

Verdict: Try it if you're ever in Columbus. Let me know what you get, and tell me how delicious it is!

What's In My Handbag?

TAG you're it... If you are reading this and haven't done it, then now is your chance! Here is your chance to look inside my handbag.

  • Camera (with extra battery)
  • Boss' Spare Keys (using his car tomorrow--not normally in there)
  • Home Keys (for my dad's and mom's)
  • My Keys
  • Two Different Contact Cases
  • Cash And Change Wallet
  • Wallet
  • PDA (with headphones for music)
  • Miscellaneous Business Cards
  • Eyeglass Case (yes, I use a lipstick case, but I like the small size)
  • Work Name Tag
  • Orbit Gum
  • Publix Gift Card
  • Chopstick Wrapper I Kept As A Souvenir From Seasons Of Japan
  • Miscellaneous Papers (trash)
  • Old Contact Prescription (trash)
  • Both Phones (one is local to home, one is local to here)
  • Miscellaneous Receipts
  • Bill That Needs To Be Mailed
  • Hairbrush
  • Stylus/Pen/Pencil
  • GPS
  • Business Card Holder
  • Leatherman
  • Taser
  • Handgun
  • Hand Lotion
  • Altoids Mints
  • Beauty Blotters (gets oil off your greasy face)
  • Lip Gloss (x2)
  • Lip Balm (x3)
  • Lip Stick
  • Lip Liner
  • Mascara
  • Two Kinds Of Eye Drops
  • Mirror
  • Hand Sanitizer
  • Tampons (x4)
  • Perfume

OK, your turn!

*Sorry for blacking stuff out. I have to have some privacy!

What's In My Frig?

TAG you're it... If you are reading this and haven't done it, then now is your chance! Here is your chance to look inside my packed full (of crap) frig.

Let's start with the freezer:
  • Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream
  • Frozen Burritos
  • Ground Beef
  • Hot Pockets
  • Steak
  • Breaded Chicken Breast Patties
  • Totino's Pizza
  • Frozen Strawberries
  • Ice Trays
  • Turkey Sausage
  • TV Dinners
  • Potato Skins
  • Waffles
  • Boneless Skinless Chicken Strips
  • Cookie Dough
  • Toffee Covered Vanilla Ice Creams
  • Breaded Precooked Chicken Strips
  • Vegetables
  • Stir fry
  • Popsicles
  • Frozen Biscuits
  • Pizza Rolls

Now the Frig:

  • Milk
  • Lynchburg Lemonade (homemade)
  • Orange Juice
  • Purified Water
  • Sunny D
  • Tea
  • Margarita Mix
  • Travis' Leftovers From Johnny Carino's
  • Leftover Baked Beans (Honey Flavor)
  • Leftover Macaroni
  • Butter
  • Honey Butter
  • Velveeta
  • Salsa
  • Patron Tequila
  • Chocolate Frosting
  • Knockoff Capri Suns
  • Grated Cheese
  • Sliced Cheese
  • Hot Dogs
  • Turkey Bacon
  • Bottled Water
  • Corona
  • Budweiser
  • Eggs
  • Flavored Water
  • Juice
  • Baking Soda
  • Margarine
  • V8
  • Whop* Croissants
  • Whop* Cinnamon Rolls
  • Coffee Grounds
  • Sour Cream
  • Sweet Pickles
  • Dill Pickles
  • Maraschino Cherries
  • Hot Salsa
  • Parmesan Cheese
  • Chicken Broth
  • Mustard
  • Mayonnaise
  • Ketchup
  • Bar B Que Sauce
  • Ranch Dressing
  • Thousand Island Dressing
  • Soy Sauce
  • 57 Sauce
  • Grape Jelly
  • Raspberry Walnut Dressing
  • Apple Butter
  • Catalina Dressing
OK, now it's your turn. What's in your frig?

*Whop comes from the way you open those tube biscuits. You "whop" them on the counter once you peel off the wrapper.

Note: I would like to add that I am immensely grateful for having such a full refrigerator!

Sometimes Bad is Bad

Please be advised that there is liberal use of "swear" words. (As if that's different from any other post...)

Who decided curse words were, in fact, curse words? Who said, "I am going to make 'bitch' a curse word, because, well, calling someone a 'female dog' just takes too long to say."? I find it very funny that people just accept these so called curse or swear words as bad. You only make them bad because you believe they are bad. If you didn't believe it, it wouldn't be true. I found some very interesting conversation on this topic here. I think what bothers me most is the way people think it's unChristian to say a swear word. Um, were these words even considered bad words when Christ was here? Did many of these words even exist? No. For instance, the word fuck. That word's origin hasn't really been nailed (no pun intended) down as far as I can tell, but here are a few possibilities:
  • The American Heritage Dictionary says its first known occurrence in English literature was in the satirical poem "Flen, Flyss" (c.1500), where it was not only disguised as a Latin word but encrypted, which has been deciphered as fuccant, pseudo-Latin for "they fuck."
  • When doctors wrote a diagnostic notation on the documents of soldiers in the British Imperial Army reporting sick and found to have Sexual Transmitted Diseases, the abbreviation F.U.C.K. was stamped on his documents. It was short for "Found Under Carnal Knowledge."
  • In the 15th Century, when a married couple needed permission from the king to procreate. Hence, "Fornication Under Consent of the King".
  • May be an acronym of a law term used in the 1500s that referred to rape as "Forced Unnatural Carnal Knowledge".
  • Referring to the charge for prostitution in England: "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge".

Now, I realize it isn't Christian to tell someone to "Fuck off", but if I stub my toe and say "Fuck! That hurt!", is God going to take offense to that? Disclaimer: This in no way applies to using the Lord's name in vain. That is clearly wrong. I guess this is somewhat juvenile, but I just find it a little preposterous.

Stuff I Think

I think:
  • People get married without knowing each other long enough.
  • Grapefruit is evil. Why must it skeet skeet all in my eye? Why? And, why is it that one of the best and most healthy things you can eat for breakfast is so damn hard to eat? See, God wants us to be fat.
  • The stuff that's easiest and quickest to eat makes us the fattest. See, God wants us to be fat.
  • If it tastes good, it's bad for you. If it tastes bad, it's good for you.
  • Time actually moves slower when you're bored and faster when you're having a good time.
  • Summer in Georgia is entirely too humid.
  • C's get degrees. And, sometimes, D's do, too.
  • Coffee is a terrible drink to talk over. Why can't social drinks be tastier?
  • Gas is way to high.
  • The tax man and the devil share the same address.
  • If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right.
  • You should keep your mouth shut and carry a big stick.
  • Dogs are better than cats.
  • It's funny when people race past me and are sitting at the red light when I get there.
  • Pretty much everyone I know suffers from psychological projection.
  • Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Ask anyone who has moved away from family they love.
  • People need to lighten up a little.
  • I would have liked to see Hillary Clinton in office. Again. Our economy was much better when she was running the show.
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Bugs, spiders, and other creepy-crawlies better not come in my house. Or they will die.
  • There are too many excuses and not enough apologies.
  • Everyone is better than someone at something.
  • People who have too many kids to fit the family in a normal vehicle (i.e., 7 total--2 adults, 5 children) are greatly contributing to the demise of the planet. This does not include foster or adoptive parents.
  • There is no substitute for a good education, but a good education doesn't always come from a traditional school.
  • People should have more respect for our military men and women.
  • George W. Bush is a certifiable retard.
  • Money only matters when you don't have enough of it.

Now, my head hurts. That's what I get for thinking.

Kopi Luwak

Keeping with my theme of being disgusting, today I'm going to introduce you to one of the finest beverages known to man: Kopi Luwak, a.k.a. shit coffee, is coffee that comes from the excrement, a.k.a. shit, of a little skunk-cat animal called the Asian Palm Civet. The literal meaning of Kopi Luwak is Civet Coffee--Kopi being the Indonesian word for Coffee and Luwak the local name for the Civet. The Civet doesn't digest the bean, but during the whole digestive process, the enzymes supposedly do some stuff to the beans and take out some of the bitterness and make it all good and stuff. It is, literally, one of the most expensive drinks in the world, with 1 pound bags selling from $120 to $600. If you are just dying to try some, you can buy beans on the internet at AnimalCoffee. And, if you are feeling really adventurous, you can even buy raw beans, a.k.a. turds, and clean and roast them yourself. Heck, if you buy a half pound of dookie, you get a Lucite covered dookie key chain. But, wait! There's more! If you call now, we'll double your order to a whole pound of turds and throw in a Lucite covered dookie paperweight for just $20 more. (Literally, that's the truth. I'm not making this shit (no pun intended) up. I'm not that funny or creative. Go look at the website.) Supposedly, this shit (again...I can't help myself) is supposed to taste really good. Yeah. I'll get right on that.

Note: I will never eat another PayDay!

Louisiana Swamp Ass

Because (in case no one has noticed) I like to be gross and nasty, I have to tell you all about "Louisiana Swamp Ass". Many people refer to it as merely "Swamp Ass", but I just don't feel that it does it justice. You have to go, in your mind, to the hot, humid, sticky, swampy nastiness of lower Louisiana when you think of such a ugly little predicament. But, Linz, "What is 'Louisiana Swamp Ass'?", you ask. The best definition I have found comes from Urban Dictionary:
A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch become overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, or play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness
The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy.
It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.

I just find this hilarious. I'm sorry if you don't. I guess you can't relate. I know I sure as hell had some "Louisiana Swamp Ass" last week when I got home from Talladega. Sheeewwweee!

Note: My boyfriend loves me even though I am gross. I think he loves me because I am gross. Wrap your head around that one.

My Little Brat

My dog is entirely too rotten. He is utterly and completely spoiled. He sits there looking at me like, "But, Momma, I have so many toys, I don't know which one to play with!" What a little fucker. And that's not even all of his toys. He can't even find them all. Yes, he is so spoiled that he loses toys on a daily basis and doesn't even care. He doesn't even miss them. Why? Because he has 47 more toys to play with! But, he is selfish. He won't let anyone else play with his toys. I can't even pick them up or I'll getting pounced on like a warm, juicy steak, right off the grill. And heaven forbid I try to put all his toys in his crate (which is the size of Texas, not the size of a 5 pound Chihuahua). He just tears them all back out 10 seconds later. I guess he thinks he doesn't have room for all those toys in there.


If you have never had Cheerwine you are definitely missing out. I haven't seen Cheerwine in stores in years, and I luckily and ecstatically ran across it at my local Kroger yesterday while buying groceries. There is no substitute for Cheerwine in a glass bottle, but I'll settle for cans. I don't know what it is that makes it so good, but it's just slap delicious. I highly recommend trying it out, especially if you like old fashioned cherry colas. For more information, click here.

Note: Cheerwine does not contain alcohol. You can find the name history in the "more information" link.

Talladega Tank Monkey (Wannabe)

I got to drive to the lovely Talladega, AL, yesterday. It is a truly beautiful place. It's hard to believe that twice a year, it is covered in drunk, sweaty, obnoxious rednecks (which I totally admit to being on a daily basis, and I'd love to be one of those lucky bastards sometime, but tickets are so hard to get). It was mildly amusing to me that the "gas station" was about 10% gas station and about 90% souvenir store. It was rather cute, actually. They do love their Nascar! But, the real beauty of Talladega is on a South-bound road. As I was driving South on Alabama Hwy 77, I looked up into the far away view, and I saw the most inspiring mountains. The ridge stretched for quite a long ways wide, and there were several layers of it that were farther and farther out. It looked like a painting. The closest was darker blue. Above it, there was a medium blue farther out. And above that, a light blue--almost the color of the clear sky--farther out. It really made me stop and just appreciate driving in the country. I wish I had the sense got gave a gnat because I would have pulled over to take a damn picture. But I forgot my camera, anyway, so, oh, well.

The reason I was in this fairly tale land was not so charming. I was in Talladega to climb into some hot, wet, icky water tanks. These tanks had been out of service for quite some time, and the water department wants to put them back into service. So, we were there to inspect them. This was my first chance to be a tank monkey. I've always secretly wanted to be a tank monkey, but I was still really scared. It's a long fall if your ass slips. Luckily, these tanks were ground level, but from the hatch on top of the concrete tank, you'd be falling around 25 feet to the concrete floor below. That would not make for a good day. I was feeling like puking by the time I was supposed to be getting into the first tank (it was hot!). And, like I said, these tanks hadn't been used for a long time. The hatches were welded shut, and had to be cut off. The ladders on the inside were rusted and coming off the wall. So, I'm already scared shitless. And, then, I get in. I'm excited. I'm really excited. But, I can't reach the next rung on the ladder. I reposition myself. I stretch. I look down. I'm an inch away. But. I. Just. Can't. Reach. Damn! The problem is that there is a top ladder attached to the hatch area (which is about two and a half feet of concrete on top of the roof), and there is a ladder that goes the rest of the way down to the floor. They are not connected, and the gap from the bottom rung of the top ladder and the top rung of the bottom ladder is not the standard distance. The rule is that if you don't feel safe don't do it.

I want to believe that I really tried to reach that rung. Maybe I did. I hope I did. I felt like I did. But maybe there was a part of me that was too scared to keep going. What if I slipped? What if I fell? What if I died right there in a concrete water tank in Talladaga, AL? It just wasn't worth it. I hope I get another chance to be a tank monkey. I really think it is pretty cool. I have a lot of respect for people who do that crap all day every day (like the contractor who was out there cleaning out those tanks getting them ready for us to inspect).

Note: While looking for pictures of cute, little monkeys to put on here, I realized there are some scary looking monkeys out there! Do it. Google "monkey" (in images) and see what scary shit you get. Don't say I didn't warn you. Those little bastards are freaks!

Single Hispanic Dog Seeks Skinny Bitch

Name: Pepe Patron
Height: 8 inches at shoulder
Length: 14 inches to base of tail
Weight: 4.9 pounds
Hair Color: Black with tan and white
Eye Color: Light Brown
Ethnicity: Hispanic (Mexican) (Legal citizen, born in Alabama)
Breed: Chihuahua
Registration: Yes
Fixed: Yes
Shots: Up-to-date
Fleas: No

Likes: Rolling in dead animals; Eating anything I can get my mouth on; Chasing cats; Humping my Reindeer, Alligator, and Eagle; Playing chase with anyone who will play; Barking at animals on the TV; Going to my grandparents to play; Sleeping; Hanging out with my mom; Running in the grass; Licking my privates in public; Hanging out with my buddy Mickey (Jack Russell Terrier); Attacking people who are hiding under blankets; Stealing dryer sheets and socks when mom isn't looking; Getting up early and jumping on mom; Hanging my head out the car window (but only if we are going less than 30 mph); Balling up under blankets

Dislikes: Going swimming; Wearing the clothes my mom puts on me; Vacuum cleaners; The vet; Mean people; People I don't know; Taking pictures; Sleeping late; Staying in my crate all day; Being still; Being held down when I'm playing; Lawnmowers; Baths; Getting my nails clipped; Getting my teeth brushed; Thunderstorms; When mom won't let me on the bed; Spankings; Being cold; The little black pieces in my food

Nilla Wafers

Recently, when I was at corporate for a meeting (and starving), my good buddy Jen offered me some Nilla Wafers. Now, not only was this the nicest thing ever, it pretty much saved me from dying from severe trauma (from my stomach eating my backbone). But, I mention it not just because of the heroic and generous act of my dear Jen, but for the simple fact that I rediscovered Nilla Wafers. No, nilla wafers are no longer just for banana puddin'. They are for eating! The crunchy, sweet cookie is really so much more than the name "wafer" implies. It is no wafer my friends. It is a tiny piece of heaven! I have a box in my desk drawer now for "emergencies", i.e. when I'm a fat ass, and I want to eat more than I already do.

Disclaimer: I do not recommend store brand vanilla wafers. At all.

Braves v. Nationals (07-19-08)

Because you can go to the Braves website or ESPN and get the real play-by-play, I'm going to give you the I-was-there-sitting-in-the-stands-with-the-Atlanta-smog-and-100 degree heat-play-by-play.

My company gets Braves tickets every year for those who want to go at no cost to employees or their families. My brother wanted to come this past weekend, and that was when our company game was scheduled, so I begged for another ticket. Then I find out his best friend was planning to come. Um, Bubby, were you planning on mentioning that to me? Seeing as it is my house and my food and my water and my electricity you little assholes are using. And it is my company that is giving these tickets to us. So, I heard through the grapevine that we had a metric-shit-ton of extra tickets, and, being the great big sister that I am, I begged for one more. So, here we are--Travis, and me, and my brother, and his best friend--all going to the game.

We leave the house at like 3 PM to take Pepe to Momma #2 (no, not Poopoo Mom, Travis' mom) because he had, like, 7 shots that morning, and he can't be left alone after those shots since he might swell up and die. (Chihuahua's are very prone to vaccine reactions.) We drop him off, and head to Sonny's to eat dinner. (We had a coupon for $5 off the "Feast for Four", in which you get sliced pork, sliced beef, BBQ chicken, and ribs, three sides, garlic bread, and four drinks for $34. So, we got it for $29. Pretty good if you ask me...) We left Sonny's around 5PM to head for the game. We wanted to get there a little early, get parked, and see if there was anything cool going on pre-game, since we never get there early enough to see.

But, then, we hit a snag, as we always, inevitably do. There was construction on I-75 going into the city. Shit. I fucking hate Atlanta. There is construction on every single damned road in the metro-area 24 hours a day 7 days a week every single week of the ever-lovin' year! And of course it is always where we need to go. So, after going about 2 miles in 30 minutes, we got off the interstate and headed for the surface streets with Mom on Mapquest. Now, Atlanta is renowned for changing the names of its streets on a daily basis, and, apparently, none of the mapmakers have caught on to the concept yet. So, here we are without the GPS (left the damn thing at home because we "knew" where we were going!) and Mom with the defunct-since-yesterday maps trying to find a familiar road. We finally decide that Ralph David Abernathy is the Georgia Avenue Mom is talking about, and we start seeing little signs that say "Turner Field". Now, to you assholes that put up these tiny little signs behind ENORMOUS bushes and trees, you should be tied to the bumper of a Pinto and driven around Atlanta at rush-hour. That's the kind of punishment you deserve for making those damned signs so small and so hidden you can't see them unless you are making an illegal U-turn and hitting the curb while 57 cars honk at you and your impending doom.

So, once we finally get on Abernathy going the right way, we cap a hill, and there it is: Turner Field. I swear I heard the angels going "ahhhhhh" it was such a magnificent sight after the 15 minute ride that took us 2 shittastic hours. We immediately parked. I think Travis sensed that the blood vessel in my forehead was about to burst, and my massive coronary was not far behind. Did I mention I hate traffic?

And, there we are, off to the races. We get inside and rush to our seats. Thank God I took a piss at Sonny's, since I had two huge glasses of their pink lemonade, and then I sat in a car for two hours just to rush to another seat without finding a bathroom. I, amazingly, made it, like, 7 hours without taking a leak. I think that's a record for me.

We sit down, and all of the people from the other office (in Alabama) are already there. They got to take a nice cozy chartered bus. The only person not there yet was from my office in Atlanta. Funny, huh? And, like clockwork, my brother proceeds to curse like a sailor. Yes, my dears, it runs in the family. So, I have to whack him upside the head, and remind him that I am, for all intents and purposes, at work, and to shut the hell up.

Finally, I can enjoy the game, or so I think. Then, Mr. and Mrs. I-Let-My-Shithead-Child-Run-Wild-In-Public sit down behind me. Now, I understand children don't enjoy sitting for three hours at a professional sporting event. So, leave the little shits at home! I got pretty sick of getting hit in the head or shoulder, having Daddy save me from impending blows by sippy-cups, toys, or programs, and listening to Mommy say "Stop that." "Sit down." "I'm a raging retard.", so I moved to the opposite end of TrashCan, TReed, and Bubby (as they'd been for bowling the night before). Finally, some peace. And, I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. My-Child-Is-Perfect were pissed at me for moving and so obviously telling their little angel "fuck you" (in a few less words, of course, i.e., no words) because I was just such a bitch for not liking children. For the record, I like children just fine--when children (or adults that act like them) are not raising them. Got it?

But, the game was pretty boring, and talk soon became more entertaining, unfortunately. Because my brother and his best friend spent the better part of the day being lazy and worthless as they are so apt to do, Chappelle's Show on DVD became the topic of conversation. (I made the mistake of not having cable with a couple of shitheads at my house, and all there was to watch was the "Chappelle's Show" Box Set I got Travis for Christmas.) So, of course, the evening turned to Lil Jon talking to Lil Jon and was fraught with "What?"s and "Yeah"s and "OK"s. There were even a few "Ha ha ha"s in a deep voice and some "Pardon me madame"s in the same deep voice. (See below.)

And, even though the Atlanta smog looked like the dust from a nuclear fallout, and the temperature was somewhere around hell, it made for an entertaining evening. I will say, though, that when I go back in September, I'll be taking my Magellan, with traffic reports.
Final Score: 2-8 Washington

Quotes and Sayings

These are some quotes I've heard somewhere by someone, yet I don't know their origins. Maybe I shouldn't repeat such things...

  • Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
  • No one is perfect. That’s why pencils have erasers.
  • Life is like a hot bath: It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
  • Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
  • Everyday is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
  • It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
  • Do or do not. There is no try.
  • Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
  • Wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
  • There are two kinds of people: fools and damn fools. A fool knows he is a fool.
  • A man is poor who has no friends.
  • Two tears in a bucket, motha fuck it.
  • A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege.
  • Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
  • People are more opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass rich women than bikers.
  • Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
  • Good friends are like stars: You can't always see them, but you know they are there.
  • The shortest distance between two points is under construction. (Especially in Atlanta!)
  • Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
  • Common sense is a sense that is not very common.
  • Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
  • It's mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
  • A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
  • An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
  • There are two sure things in life: death and taxes.
  • There are three kinds of work: fast, cheap, and good. You can only get two of the three. If it's fast and cheap, it won't be good. If it's good and cheap, it won't be fast, and if it's good and fast, it won't be cheap.
  • It is often not about the destination but the journey.
  • My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am.
  • The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
  • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
  • Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching.
  • Your work is not your life.

That's all I can think of right now. I'll try to do a part two later if anyone says they liked this...

Greenish Thumb

This is the extent of my green thumb. I don't actually have much of a green thumb. It's really more yellow. Or brown. But this cactus is a trouper, and it has survived even my most brutal punishment. My aunt gave me this cactus in a 2"x2" square plastic container when I moved to Kennesaw last year. At the time it was about 6" tall. I proceeded to place it on the railing of my balcony (on the third floor), and let the wind blow it off to what I thought was it's untimely death. When I realized it was missing, I went to my neighbors below, and they had rescued it from me, or so it though. They had repotted it in a 6" round plastic pot that was pretty much on it's last leg--all broken and cracked. Mr. Cactus went back up on the balcony--on the floor this time. Then I found this lovely coffee-cut pot, seen above. It is about 12" wide. I repotted the cactus in this pot with some yummy potting soil and stuck in some of those Miracle-Gro spikes. It has since grown to what you see above. It's about 2 feet tall. Yeah, my cactus is the shit.

Beauty Amid Disaster

With all the problems that have plagued Beijing and it's peoples in their preparation for the Olympics, I felt it was time for something beautiful. The picture is one of many taken in the gardens. I particularly liked this one. Look closely and see the waterfall coming from the hand. It is really quite amazing. There are a bunch more, and you have probably seen these before. If you haven't, you can find them with a little googling, but I wanted to share this little bit with you. Enjoy something beautiful in your life.

A Man is Poor Who has No Friends

Do people still hang out together and do things? I'm just wondering because I can't seem to get anyone to do anything with me. I am a busy person. What I'm busy doing, I don't really know, beacuse I feel like I do nothing, but I am somehow busy, none-the-less. I know it is hard to make time for things. It is for me, too--again, why, I don't know. But when someone calls to say they want to do something, I invariably at least try to make the time. My sister called and wants to come down next weekend. I say, sure, just remind me. Then my brother calls and he wants to come this weekend. I say, sure. Two weekends in a row, I'm busy, but it's my brother and sister. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my brother and sister more than anything. But, um, where are my friends? I call, I send an email, I send a text message, I leave a comment on the God forsaken MySpace. And nothing. Absolutely nothing. Do ya'll not like me anymore or what? Did I do something to you that I don't remember? Did we get in some fight that somehow slips my mind? Did I say something to piss you off, and you don't have the balls to say "Fuck you"? In that case, grow some balls. I'm getting kind of tired of getting the cold shoulder. Even if it is due to your hectic lives. I realize I live, like, forever and a day away from all my old friends, but would it kill you to make time for me when I come home? Um, no. Anyway, I'm just feeling poor, and I'm wondering when I can have some friends again. That would be nice. I do still love ya'll, afterall.

Economic Woes

Everyday is more of the same: news about how bad our economy has gotten. "Tarvis" works for an international pump company (they make chemical pumps, eg: petroleum, acids, etc), and they have to do conversions for prices. His boss gave him the latest conversion rate today: 1 euro = .57 USD Now, if this doesn't disturb you just a little, you just need to go ahead and nail the lid on the coffin because you absolutely must be dead. I can't fathom that even the most financially stable people aren't concerned about the insanely high gas prices, rising food costs, and news--just today--that the past 12 months' inflation rate was the worst in 27 years. Yes, I just said TWENTY SEVEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Now, I'm no economist. I don't know jack about the way business works. But, I just have to believe this is a bad, BAD sign. When is this going to get better? How are people still saying we are not in a recession? What the hell is their definition of "recession"?! All I know is that something really needs to change. If all this isn't enough to upset you, then just remember we are losing our iconic Budweiser in the process of this failing economy. When are we as a nation going to stand up and say "Enough is enough!"? All I know is that I'd jump on that bandwagon as soon as it came around.

How-Ever-Many Things About Me

I'm going to start making a list of things about me, and I may make it to 100 like you organized and goal driven peoples, but I may not. And if I get really bored, I may make it to 200. But anyway, this is all crap about me. Some of it may not be G-rated, or PG-13 for that matter. In fact, let's just go ahead and call it NC-17 just in case my true colors start to show down there somewhere around number 33.

  1. I like to say "Mudd Butt"!
  2. I am the only child AND the oldest child. My mother has three children (of which I am the oldest), and my daddy has only one--lovely little me.
  3. My brother is my favorite person in the world most days. Even if he's 19, and he can't get into any good bars with me. (Any single young ladies?)
  4. I feel old. My 24th birthday is coming all too soon.
  5. I have done about a million sports in my life, and I'm paying for it now in terms of constant back and joint pain. The list of sports includes softball, tennis, gymnastics, cheerleading (competition, not for football--think ESPN), swimming (backstroke), and track (hurdles--isn't that funny, midget girl can jump!).
  6. I also twirled baton and danced as a child. Yes, at one time, I was actually graceful.
  7. I was in the girl scouts for, like, 2.5 seconds. My troop leader sucked.
  8. I absolutely love cereal. I could eat it for every meal. I have about 15 kinds in my pantry, and I'm not kidding. At all.
  9. I get depressed if I don't have a suntan. There is something about it chemically in my body and brain. I absolutely must feel sunshine on my skin. I need direct sunlight. And, yes, I realized I'm going to get skin cancer. And, no, I don't care. I told you, it's this chemical imbalance in my brain.
  10. My grandmother (mom's mom) is my angel. She and I have ESP. But only with each other.
  11. My uncle John is only one year older than me.
  12. I have an illegitimate uncle. Apparently, my grandfather was a pimp before he married my grandmother (not the one with ESP, my dad's parents). After my grandfather had some heart trouble (extra nerve in there or something), he popped up saying he wanted to know his dad before he died. (My uncle was in his 40's at this time.) Papa tried to deny it, but Gene looks exactly like him. Ha.
  13. When my dad got really sick and was in the hospital, they gave him morphine for his pain. My dad never goes to the doctor, especially not the hospital, and he never takes pain meds or any of that crap, so he was pretty loopy. He kept saying "Morphine is a wonderful drug." like Rick James used to say "Cocaine is a hell of a drug." I loved the fact that my dad could be funny when he was really sick and hurting. I say it all the time now.
  14. My husband must absolutely have blue eyes in the off chance I decide to have children. I want blue-eyed babies.
  15. I really want to adopt a child instead of having one of my own.
  16. I can solder.
  17. I can also splice wires. When Pepe chewed through the wires for my camera charger, I cut out the bad section and put the wires back together. It was too expensive to buy a new one!
  18. I hate to mow the grass, but I love to use the weed whacker!
  19. I have a cactus that survived a drop from the third floor to the ground, and it is now over two feet tall!
  20. I collect frogs. Not live ones. Not dead one. Inanimate ones. But not stuffed animals and junk. I want crystal, glass, or ceramic. Travis got me a beautiful one from Swarovski.
  21. I want an engagement ring really, really, really bad. Even though I don't want to get married for a while.
  22. Jennifer-who-cuts-my-hair (because I know a half dozen Jennifers) accidentally wrote "Tarvis" in her book when she wrote him down for a trim. (He goes with me to get my hair cut sometimes.) I thought it was so funny I call him "Tarvis" sometimes.
  23. I like to eat maraschino cherries out of the jar.
  24. I love Patron tequila.
  25. I like to drive with the windows down and the sunroof open even if it is too hot or cold. I blast the heat or air conditioning accordingly.
  26. I had a hard childhood. Adulthood isn't so easy either, I guess.
  27. I hate to drive. I live five miles from work so I don't have to commute.
  28. I can't eat meat with bones in it. I can't even eat it if someone takes the meat off the bone for me.
  29. I don't like most pork most of the time, and I don't like turkey. But I do like turkey bacon. Ha.
  30. I love broccoli and ranch dressing.
  31. I like to eat my honey mustard with a little chicken.
  32. I can make a mean cherry cobbler. Seriously, it will kick your ass. But it tastes so good doing it...
  33. I am very displeased with the fact that immigrants won't learn English. If I moved to France, I'd have to learn French. Why doesn't that apply here?
  34. I am also very displeased that there are so many illegal immigrants not paying taxes. I don't care if you're here, but do it legally, asshole.
  35. I have nothing against other races, but I love it when Travis says "Welcome to the Quickie Mart" in the Apu accent or does his "ala alaha halaalaha" jihad scream. And, for the record, they are not rag heads. It is more like a sheet, the thing they wear on their heads. I think the proper term might be "sheet heads".
  36. I think people are too sensitive about race relations.
  37. I'm not discriminatory. I make fun of everyone and everything. Get over it.
  38. I think my sex drive is abnormally lower than it should be for my age, but I don't know why.
  39. My heels get really dry, and I can't seem to get the crusty stuff to go away.
  40. I watched Barney as a child.
  41. I also watched Power Rangers as a child.
  42. I have hypothyroidism, and it sucks.
  43. My sister is the polar opposite of me in terms of appearance: I have dark hair and semi-dark skin, and she is super white with strawberry-blonde hair.
  44. My brother is five years younger than me, and my sister is ten years younger than me. We are almost exactly five years apart--just off by a couple months.
  45. I like how things are oxymorons but you can still get away with saying them. Eg: almost exactly
  46. I have an incomprehensible amount of respect for those serving our country in the military.
  47. I love a man in uniform, but I love my man more.
  48. I suck at spelling. Spellchecker is my best friend. We hang out together on the weekends.
  49. I love those frozen, microwaveable burritos. They are really cheap, and they taste goooood!
  50. I like to eat those frozen strawberries (in syrup) out of the container.
  51. I believe in God, and I have accepted him as my Lord and Savior, but I do not go to church.
  52. I have a lot of questions about God and how things work.
  53. I scuba dive--as long as it is really warm.
  54. I ride motorcycles--as long as it is really warm.
  55. I am a good shot at a moving target but I haven't been shooting in a while.
  56. I have two semiautomatic pistols, and I would not hesitate to use them to protect myself.
  57. I weigh literally twice what I weighed a mere four or five years ago. It is very disheartening. I realize the hypothyroidism is mostly to blame, but I can't seem to get the weight off. It's very difficult to go from a size 0 who weighs less than 90 pounds to fat as hell.
  58. My favorite childhood story that my grandmother and mom tell is this: My grandmother threw the cat outside and yelled "Stay out, you damn cat!" for whatever reason, and I walked over to the door, opened it, yelled "Damn cat!", and slammed the door. I was, like, three.
  59. I would like to learn to knit and then knit a scarf.
  60. I love to take pictures, and I fancy myself a pretty good picture-taker, if I do say so myself.
  61. I need somewhat constant positive reinforcement.
  62. I use wikipedia a lot.
  63. I think five-day work-weeks and two-day weekends are what is wrong with this country.
  64. I sometimes think I must be bipolar.
  65. I would like to not be at work right now.
  66. I would like to go back to school and get a nursing degree. Kennesaw State has an accelerated nursing program for those who already have a BS in sciences. It only take a year and a half.
  67. I hate to wear shoes. I usually wear flip-flops, even in winter.
  68. I get bored very easily, and I have a short attention span.
  69. I forget things a lot.

Well, I'm getting kind of tired of this. At least I made it to 69. That's a good number, eh? Maybe I'll bore you with this again sometime, but for now that's it. I really didn't have anything better to blog about, anyway.

Another Casualty

Another casualty of the failing economy has fallen before our eyes. The most American beverage symbol since Coke is officially being purchased by the Belgium brewer InBev (pending approval from shareholders and antitrust regulators). It is a sad day for Anheuser-Busch and the lovers of iconic beers, such as Budweiser, Busch, Michelob, and Natural Light (Natty Light...). I am not a big beer drinker, but I realize the depth of this transaction. We are losing a very American company to a very not-American purchase. We will probably lose hundreds of American jobs, not to mention the literal millions of dollars in revenue. I mean, have you seen the number of people holding Anheuser-Busch products at bars, Nascar races, and college football tailgate parties? Not to mention the fact that the InBev chief executive is know for "ruthless cost-cutting". So long Super Bowl ads of yesterday (that, for some, were the real reason for watching the game). It is truly sad that this, too, is becoming just another victim of the laws of business. With child-like innocence we believe some things are just untouchable, and this was one of those things. What's next? Pepsi? Walmart? Ford? Something truly must change before the world's one-time super-power is nothing more than a page in a history book.

Show some Respect!

This really irks me. When a funeral procession is meeting you in the road, you get over and STOP. How hard is that? Why can't you do it? It is a showing of respect, and the dead person in that hearse is a mother or father, daughter or son, brother or sister, and/or a friend to someone. Sure, he's dead, and he doesn't know you're disrespecting him. But his family isn't dead, and they do know, and that's just plain shitty. Take a minute and a half out of your oh-so-busy-and-important day and get the hell over. Don't be a dickhead.

A very important person to my boyfriend and his dad passed away last night, and if you don't get off the road when the procession goes by, I might just have to have to kick your ass. OK?

*Oh, and I definitely want a hearse like that when I die.

I'm Special!
LogoThere are
people with my name in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

There are only 3 people in the whole US with my first and last name. How unique am I?! Very cool...

Mud Butt

I really like to say "Mud butt"! It has to be my most favorite thing to say ever. Now, mud butt is gross, don't get me wrong. But it is just so fun to say! Mud butt. Muuuuud Buuuutttttt. Mud Butt!!!! Yeah...

Straight Haired Girls, They all want Curls

This is a very lovely country song by Sara Evans called "I Keep Looking":

Back when I was young,
Couldn't wait to grow up,
Get away and get out on my own,
And looking back now
Ain't it funny how
I've been trying to get back home. (yeah)

When my low self esteem
Needs a man loving me,
And I find me the perfect catch.
Then I see my friends
Having wild weekends,
And I don't wanna be quite so attached

Just as soon as I get what I want I get unsatisfied.
Good is good but could be better.
I keep looking, I keep looking for,
I keep looking for something more.
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door.
I keep looking, looking for something more.

Well the straight haired girls,
They all want curls,
And the brunettes wanna be blonde.
It's your typical thing,
You got yin, you want yang.
It just goes on and on.

They say Hey! it's only human to never be satisfied.
Well, I guess that I'm as human as the next one.
Ohh, I keep looking, I keep looking for,
I keep looking for something more.
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door.
I keep looking, looking for something more. (yeah)

Just as soon as I get what I want I get unsatisfied.
Hey, good is good but could be better.
I keep looking, I keep looking for,
I keep looking for something more.
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door.
I keep looking, looking for something more.

And I just really think it sums up pretty much everything about life. There is always going to be that question in your mind, you know the one: "Is that grass greener over there?" The answer is probably not. It's just an optical illusion. Now, I'm as guilty as the next person, say, um, you, but I think it's high time we start appreciating what we do have. So what if your car is two years old, or ten years old for that matter? If it works and it's safe, do you really think it's worth it to pay $650/month for a new one? And so what if your hair is short? Is it really worth the extra work and the insulation all that hair will bring you this summer? And so what if your best friend and every single person you ever freakin' knew is getting married and having kids and you're not? At least you don't have to feed those little fuckers! I say all this to say, appreciate what you have because someone is always less fortunate than you, and if you just take the time to realize it, you really have a lot of good in your life to be thankful for. Even if there is a whole lot of bullshit. And I mean a whooooole lot.


My son Pepe is the bestest boy ever. He has to be the cutest thing ever. He's so adorable I just want to eat him. But he isn't the typical Chihuahua. He isn't really aggressive and mean. In fact, if he knows you, he's pretty friendly. So, I couldn't resist posting this video of him growling because it's just so rare. It's fairly dark because there is just a lamp on in the room, but it's really about the sound. Make sure you turn up your volume pretty high to hear it. Again, sorry, but you'll have to wait until after work to watch this.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia

When I walked out of my office building this afternoon I slammed into a brick wall--a brick wall of humidity. See, in Georgia (and other parts of the lovely southeast), we have this anomaly called 200% humidity. The weirdest part about this anomaly is that even with the impossibly insanely high humidity, we still get very little rain, and we are in a "severe" drought. Now, that's just what the weatherman says. I don't know how much of it I believe. But The Stook at UGA, who is the State Climatologist, says we are, and I like ol' Stooksbury, so I try to believe him. I find this excerpt from the FAQs very insightful:

7. How can we be in a drought if it's raining out, or even flooding?

A drought is a shortage in the amount of precipitation that falls in a particular place. There are two types of drought: short-term, or agricultural drought, and long-term, or hydrologic drought. Short-term droughts are usually periods of little to no rain over several weeks, and most often occur in the summer when temperatures and evaporation from ground and plants is high. They are called agricultural drought because they are especially hard on plants and farmers, and usually occur during the growing season. They can disappear relatively quickly once a rainy spell occurs. By contrast, long-term droughts occur over long periods with lower than normal rainfall, even though there may be enough rainfall to keep plants reasonably healthy. The consequences of the extended drying are reduced ground water levels and lower base flows in streams.

This can cause problems both for users who draw water from the ground and for people and ecosystems who depend on reliable water flow in the streams. Hydrologic droughts take a long time to go away because it takes months of above normal precipitation to make up the long-term deficits. However, many people may not even notice them until water supplies are restricted because of the shortages.

It takes a long time for water to trickle down from the surface into the groundwater. Because of that, it is quite possible to have flooding at the surface and still have a hydrologic drought. In thunderstorms, particularly, the rain fall so fast that most of it runs off into the streams before it can affect the groundwater, and can cause local flash flooding even while the long-term drought continues.

But, I digress. I say all this to say that I now know why "the devil went down to Georgia". It was because it felt a lot like home. That, and the fact that I'm sure there are plenty of souls ripe for the picking. And I now know why he was "in a bind cause he was way behind" (this is a very cute video with the actual song playing, but you'll have to watch it after work...sorry). It was because he was sitting in that God forsaken Atlanta traffic. I also know how Johnny beat him. It is because the devil sucks, and Johnny is a good ol' country boy. There ain't nothin' better.

Family Time and Cake!

This past weekend I got to go home for a little family time. My grandmother, who is inhumanly optimistic, decided we should have a family photo taken since our last one is almost two years old. Here is the best one we could muster:

Front Row L-R: Stepmom Lynetta, Cousins (sons of Barry) Tate and Jake, Aunt (married to Barry) Sandy
Middle Row L-R: Dad Tim, Me (the cow), Granny Helen, Aunt (married to Gene) Candy, Uncle Gene (Dad's older brother, who is ever-so-slightly illegitimate)
Back Row L-R: Cousin (son of Sondra) Jonathan, Uncle Gary (Dad's middle younger brother), Uncle John (Dad's youngest younger brother), Aunt Sondra (Dad's only sister, younger), Papa Tommy, Cousin (son of Barry) Zak, Uncle Barry (Dad's oldest younger brother)
Not Pictured: Uncle (married to Sondra) Johnny (he never comes to anything)

Now, it's not super great, I know. I look like a cow. That's probably because I am a cow, but I'm trying to be the optimist my grandmother is and believe a camera can make me look emaciated for a moment--without those icky side effects. Alas, I digress. But, this is us. All (minus that one) seventeen of us. And, the amazing thing is that we can actually make it through meals, gatherings, and holidays without killing each other. My grandparents had a table built that was big enough to seat all of us at once. (Damn, no more kids table...) It feels like one of those really really long tables you see in movies or cartoons with one person at each end, only ours is full of freakin' people! You can see the table in the picture below, but it won't do you any good because it's too zoomed in...ha. Yeah, about that picture below. That's the cake I make for the 4th. It's supposed to be a United States flag if you can't tell. You better say you can tell. I worked really hard on that thing! In case you ever want to make one (which, undoubtedly, will be better than mine), you use strawberry cake with white-colored frosting (I opted for cream cheese frosting because it goes best with strawberry cake, in my opinion). You use about 25 blueberries and about two packages of strawberries (ends cut off and cut in half). This is a regular 9x13 cake pan, so if you want to make a half-sheet cake or something, make sure you buy enough crap to put on top. I didn't take it out of the pan to frost the edges, but you can get all fancy if you want to. Always trying to one-up me...