Please note that I do not allow anonymous comments unless you inform me who you are. I am continuing to allow you to choose the option of anonymous or "Name/URL" so my family and friends with no log-in can leave me comments. If you choose not to be known to the public when you leave a comment, that is fine, but if you don't email me or let me know it was you, it will not be posted.

You've Got to be Kidding: Only in Jackson County...

...does stealing some chicken make headlining news.

"Apparently, a suspect really likes chicken — to the point of stealing, according to the Braselton Police Department.

"A tractor-trailer truck driver told police that he parked his vehicle at the Pilot Travel Center on Ga. Hwy. 53. Sometime after midnight, a suspect entered his sealed trailer and took several boxes of chicken, according to an incident report.

"The stolen boxes were valued at $1,300."

This just made me cluck and cluck laugh and laugh! Must be a slow news day. Oh, wait, that's everyday in Podunk, Georgia.

Pretty in Pink

Travis bought me this Gerbera Daisy a few months ago. I thought it was so beautiful with water droplets on it from the recent rain. The second picture shows a tiny ant on the flower. How cool! (Click for larger.)

Daddy's Girl

If you can't see her pathetic little ass, click the picture for larger view. It's like "Where's Waldo?" with a little shit head chihuahua. Oh, and her daddy is being pretty worthless, too, as you can see. It's a wonder the house is as together as it is...

Lake Jocassee, SC Dive Boat Charter

This dive almost wasn't. This mask is mine. It shattered 15 minutes before we were supposed to load the boat. Because the mask had my prescription in it, I wore my glasses. Even though I thought about bringing my contacts, I decided I didn't need them and left them at my dad's--an hour and a half from the dive site. Needless to say we didn't make that 9AM boat. We drove all the way back to Dad's, got my contacts, drove to a dive shop, bought a new mask, and drove all the way back to Jocassee to make the 3PM boat. I should be mad that I wasted a $150 mask (including prescription), but I'm grateful that it didn't happen underwater. I also have to think it happened for a reason--that we weren't supposed to make that 9AM dive. Who knows. But, come 3PM, we were headed to load the boat!

The beautiful rocky and sandy shore surrounded by nothing but banjo playing BF Egypt forests was a little cumbersome when lugging dive gear. We had to lug all our crap down this little rocky trail--and then drag ourselves back up it for the next load. Plus, we had to take it all back up the hill. Not fun.

I'm lucky, though. I have a hot ass pack mule of a husband who loves me enough to drag all my shit around!

Not to mention that the scenery was breathtaking when you finally got all your crap situated and had a moment to look around. It was a mountainy area that just looked like a painting from our loading area. The trees were so green they almost looked fake. Even if you don't want to dive, this lake is spectacular. The water is clear and sandy--not muddy like Georgia lakes. It's very rocky, but I think that helps keep it more clear. It's well worth a trip, even for a non-diver.

Finally, we made it on the boat from the Scuba Shop in Spartenburg. They have a large pontoon and two smaller pontoons like this one. They are full service--providing tanks, fills, and rental gear. It is $25 per person for two-tank dives if you provide filled tanks. It's $40 if they provide the tanks. It's a great price either way. And, they cooked us corn dogs on the grill! Plus, we got watermelon! Mike, Cory, Dee, and the whole crew were awesome. They are super helpful, nice, and friendly. The first dive was to some wrecks and junk in the lake. Everything is connected by ropes, making it easy to find everything and very enjoyable. The visibility is good for a lake or quarry, but a lot of people had been there before us stirring shit up. It was still great. The second dive was a drift dive along the rocky wall near the wrecks. It was a cool dive which will prepare you for the ocean, and there are lots of fishies.

After we drug ourselves and all our crap back up the hill (see above), we were taking it easy, sharing the story of the shattered mask (for which we were celebrities). I noticed this cool walking stick on a nearby car. I had to take a picture. It was freakin' cool!. I highly recommend Lake Jocasee for fun of any kind on the lake, but I think it is a great place to dive. If you have never dove Lake Jocassee, call the Dive Shop. We highly recommend them, as we were immensely impressed. Plus, they take you to the dive sites, and you will never find this shit on your own! .

Barney Fife is Alive and Well in Atlanta

According to CBS Atlanta, Barney Fife is working for Atlanta PD. Imagine if you will, a conversation much like this:
Chief: "So, uh, where'd you say that gun was?"
Green: "Well, uh, I think I might have left it in my trunk."
Chief: "Well, is it in there now?"
Green: "Well, uh, no."
Chief: "So, how did it get out of the trunk?"
Green: "Uh, well, if you must know, the crack dealer took it when I didn't pay up."
No shit.

Biggest issue here:
"Atlanta police officials said in a statement Monday that they are still looking for the gun. 'At this time we are not commenting on the drug testing. The officer is suspended with pay pending a hearing with the chief of police,' the statement said."
What the fuck? Why are they paying him while they investigate his positive cocaine test and loss of his work weapon? Seriously.

I Came, I Saw, I...Failed

From my loving husband (makes gagging noise):
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt
Yes, I did not get into the nursing program. Unfortunately. Not because I wasn't one of the smarted and most highly qualified applicants. No, because I am currently taking Anatomy & Physiology, they wouldn't even consider me. Even though their website clearly says they do. Fucking assholes. What a waste. I am going to finish my summer classes and see what happens then...

My New Toy!

Meet my new toy. It is so awesomeness! My PDA wouldn't work on campus because it is ancient--but still wonderful, and I still use it... So, I rushed right out and bought me a mini lap top. It's soooo cute! Gag. Anyway. It's pretty close to my old laptop--but a third of the size and weight. It's much more portable, and I love it. Two things to be aware of if you are looking at mini laptops. 1) They run XP--not Vista. Vista is huge and honking and sucks anyway. So, no biggie. 2) There is not currently a mini I know of that has a CD/DVD drive. You have to get an external (~$75). Still, no biggie. This thing is perfect for trips and day to day use. The screen on mine is the 10-inch instead of the 8.9. It makes a HUGE difference. Do not get an 8.9-inch screen. Microcenter has good deals on them in general, but I prefer the HP. I got it $50 less than the HP site price. Now I'm off to play with my cutesy wootsey widdle bitty lappy toppy. (Makes gagging noises.)

"The NAACP Ain't Got Nothin' on N----- Hatin' Me..."

Alternate Title: N----- Against All Caucasian People

My lovely (and instigating) mother sent me another bullshit article from the Athens paper. Apparently, the NAACP is pissed because all the darkies are getting suspended more than the chalkies. I mean, really. Are you surprised? Aren't most of the men in prison black? If it's the blacks that are causing the trouble, bringing the guns, drugs, and fights to school, shouldn't they be the ones suspended? I speak from experience, having spent 10 weeks teaching 13-14 year old kids from the projects and poorer side of Pauling County. I wrote-up six kids. They all received ISS, not suspension. Of those six, only one was black. Yes, just one. And, we all know which side of racist I lean on. That should tell you something right there.

Confession: I Do Drugs (Legally)

Well, it's been quite some time since I've graced you with actual blogging. As I was driving home today in my husband's truck, "Big Red" (see below), which I am more than certain is short for Big Redneck Truck (since I call it that), I was just thinking. And, you know what I was thinking? I was just thinking, I'm happy. I'm happy even though I'm about to be at the end of my temporary position and have no idea if I'll get my unemployment back. I'm happy even though I am living in my in-laws' basement. I'm happy even though I'm completely exhausted. I'll be honest with you, it's probably the Paxil my doctor gave me a few weeks ago when I was a basket case. He also gave me Xanax "for when it's really bad". LOL The Ambien he gave me didn't last long. I was hallucinating. Not fun. Especially if you are not doing it for recreational purposes!

Big Red(neck Truck)

But, maybe, just maybe, in a more simple and forgiving world, I'm happy because I have a new dishwasher (with no electrical hookup for it and no cabinet to put it in).

Maybe it's because I have a new stove with glass top and self cleaning oven (with no electrical hookup for it).

Maybe it's because I have a new counter and cabinets with a new (redneck rigged) sink and faucet.

Maybe it's because I have a new counter top (just sitting over beside the minute amount of usable counter space).

Maybe it's because I have a new (ghetto) bathroom with a new (secondhand) counter and sink (which is an honestly huge improvement over the blue sink that was there--see below), shelving rack (because there are no cabinets), new shower (with plastic walls on a metal tub with chips in the PINK paint).

Maybe it's because I have a new curtain that cinches up all cutesy wootsey (and completely impossible to make like the picture) because there are no curtains available in the range of 25" to 35" to fit above the new air conditioner (which we have because we have no air down here, and it wouldn't matter anyway because my father-in-law controls the temperature, and he is always freezing, and I'm burning up to death like I'm in the pits of hell with a hot poker shoved up my ass sideways).

Or, maybe it's because of my super cactus (which now has this fungus-looking shit on it, and I think it's going to die).

Nah, it's probably the Paxil. Oh, drugs. They do make life grand!

KIDS! Don't do drugs!

Assholes Like You Should Take The Bus

My wonderful husband* gave me this

And, I scanned it and put it up here just for you. Please print and distribute as needed.

*Now, you know why I married his ass.

Buy That PETA Meat

Legitimate or not, I'm sure some PETA nutjob somewhere out there believes this. And, I'm OK with letting them go on thinking like that. Why? Because I don't have the time, energy, or gumption to try to convince their pea-sized brain otherwise. And, I'm OK with that, too.

Welcome Back to 1965

I like it. I think it would be a simpler and better time if it were 1965 instead of 2009. I think I have about as much money now as I would have in 1965, but I'd be rich as hell in that case. Yeah.

That's Mrs. Bitch to You!

We're Married!

It went amazingly well. Everything was perfect. Even if there probably was some spit in my cake...


I ordered this cake:

With the top two layers. As in, from the line UP. As in, with FUCKING COLUMNS.

I got this cake:


They have until 5PM.

UPDATE: It was ready at 3.

[Insert Expletive Here]

I am fucking over this wedding. I definitely am wishing for the courthouse right about now. I'm just fucking sick of this shit, and we'll be lucky if we make it through it. Just damn.

You've Got to be Kidding: Firing English Speaking FFs

Someone sent this to me in an email. I don't know if it is legitimate, but I'll be damned if it is. This is unfuckingbelievable. Why did they hire them in the first place?! I'm sure there are plenty of English speaking firefighters out of work right now that would love the job. You don't hire someone when you have to fire someone else for it. This is a fucking outrage. Call your congressmen.

Dear Penis, Titties and Beer, & Show Them to Me

The other day, I told you about my new favoritest song EVER.

Well, I heard this song, and I thought it might be my new favoritest song EVER.

But, then, I heard this song, and it is most definitely my new most favoritest song EVER EVER!

But, then, I'll be damned if I didn't hear this song, and it is now most definitely my new most favoritest song EVER EVER EVER!

Why I Fucking Hate Teachers

I got this in an email:

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest... what do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?" (She paused for a second, then began...) "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like a Medal of Honour. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.) ''I make kids wonder.. I make them question.. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write... keyboarding isn't everything. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe. I make my students stand and sing O Canada every morning, because we live in this great country called Canada . Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life." (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.) "Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant.............You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?"

His jaw dropped, he went silent.

That CEO must be a flaming retard. CEO's make a difference--at least I know a good bit that do. And, I have never had a teacher that did any of those things (must be because I'm not in the holy land of Canada). Honestly. I am substituting right now, and anyone stupid enough to be a teacher is beyond me. I still live by the motto of those that can do and those that can't teach. Hell, those that can't teach administrate. I may sound like a hypocrite right now, since I'm sort of teaching, but I would never do this for real. It's a fucking joke. And, just so you know, teachers make a whole hell of a lot more money than they like to let on. Hell, with a couple years experience and a master's, they make more than I would as an Engineer. So, to all the asshole teachers out there, here's a big FUCK YOU.

The end.

You've Got to be Kidding: James Otto is a Tit Man

So, I thought I was a fan of James Otto, but I may not be now.

This past Friday, a friend of mine (well, he's Travis' friend, but he's cool) went to see James Otto at Cowboys in Kennesaw. He was with some chick he's banging, and she wanted Otto's autograph. She went up to him to ask him to sign her ticket stub, and he was like, "Yeah, well, I sigh other stuff, too."

To which she is like, "Uh, do you mean my boobs?"

And, he's all like "Uh, yeah. Let me see 'em."

And, she's all like, "Uh, no. I'm not letting you see my tits."

Jesus. Doesn't that asshole know it is Easter?

Happy Easter

Hoppy Easter!

Miss Plan Maker Breaker

You have that friend. The one who ALWAYS says "Oh, we should get together! I haven't seen you in forever!" And, you make tentative plans, and you never hear from her. And, you don't bother calling because the last six times you called in this situation, she just ignored your call and never called back. Yes, she is Miss Plan Maker Breaker. She makes plans for the sake of making plans but never fully commits. That way, she never really breaks plans, but she never really meets you either. I have a "friend" like this. I say that because we know she isn't really your friend if you don't see her for two years, and she ignores your calls.

I love Facebook. Not. I got a message on Facebook from said "friend" about my impending doom wedding. She said we should get together for lunch some weekend soon. And, I'm like, sure, why not. I mean, I never had a problem with you. You just dropped me like a bad habit once I set you up with my boyfriend's best friend and my boyfriend and I broke up. Yeah, so much for being appreciative of my matchmaking skills. Anywho, I digress. So, I tell her to give me her address so I can send a wedding and bachelorette party invitation. I just got her response card back. She is now suddenly out of town that weekend. Not to mention that we still haven't had lunch, and I haven't talked to her since that day.

Yeah. Great friend that Miss Plan Maker Breaker.