How-Ever-Many Things About Me

I'm going to start making a list of things about me, and I may make it to 100 like you organized and goal driven peoples, but I may not. And if I get really bored, I may make it to 200. But anyway, this is all crap about me. Some of it may not be G-rated, or PG-13 for that matter. In fact, let's just go ahead and call it NC-17 just in case my true colors start to show down there somewhere around number 33.

1. I like to say "Mudd Butt"!
2. I am the only child AND the oldest child. My mother has three children (of which I am the oldest), and my daddy has only one--lovely little me.
3. My brother is my favorite person in the world most days. Even if he's 19, and he can't get into any good bars with me. (Any single young ladies?)
4. I feel old. My 24th birthday is coming all too soon.
5. I have done about a million sports in my life, and I'm paying for it now in terms of constant back and joint pain. The list of sports includes softball, tennis, gymnastics, cheerleading (competition, not for football--think ESPN), swimming (backstroke), and track (hurdles--isn't that funny, midget girl can jump!).
6. I also twirled baton and danced as a child. Yes, at one time, I was actually graceful.
7. I was in the girl scouts for, like, 2.5 seconds. My troop leader sucked.
8. I absolutely love cereal. I could eat it for every meal. I have about 15 kinds in my pantry, and I'm not kidding. At all.
9. I get depressed if I don't have a suntan. There is something about it chemically in my body and brain. I absolutely must feel sunshine on my skin. I need direct sunlight. And, yes, I realized I'm going to get skin cancer. And, no, I don't care. I told you, it's this chemical imbalance in my brain.
10. My grandmother (mom's mom) is my angel. She and I have ESP. But only with each other.
11. My uncle John is only one year older than me.
12. I have an illegitimate uncle. Apparently, my grandfather was a pimp before he married my grandmother (not the one with ESP, my dad's parents). After my grandfather had some heart trouble (extra nerve in there or something), he popped up saying he wanted to know his dad before he died. (My uncle was in his 40's at this time.) Papa tried to deny it, but Gene looks exactly like him. Ha.
13. When my dad got really sick and was in the hospital, they gave him morphine for his pain. My dad never goes to the doctor, especially not the hospital, and he never takes pain meds or any of that crap, so he was pretty loopy. He kept saying "Morphine is a wonderful drug." like Rick James used to say "Cocaine is a hell of a drug." I loved the fact that my dad could be funny when he was really sick and hurting. I say it all the time now.
14. My husband must absolutely have blue eyes in the off chance I decide to have children. I want blue-eyed babies.
15. I really want to adopt a child instead of having one of my own.
16. I can solder.
17. I can also splice wires. When Pepe chewed through the wires for my camera charger, I cut out the bad section and put the wires back together. It was too expensive to buy a new one!
18. I hate to mow the grass, but I love to use the weed whacker!
19. I have a cactus that survived a drop from the third floor to the ground, and it is now over two feet tall!
20. I collect frogs. Not live ones. Not dead one. Inanimate ones. But not stuffed animals and junk. I want crystal, glass, or ceramic. Travis got me a beautiful one from Swarovski.
21. I want an engagement ring really, really, really bad. Even though I don't want to get married for a while.
22. Jennifer-who-cuts-my-hair (because I know a half dozen Jennifers) accidentally wrote "Tarvis" in her book when she wrote him down for a trim. (He goes with me to get my hair cut sometimes.) I thought it was so funny I call him "Tarvis" sometimes.
23. I like to eat maraschino cherries out of the jar.
24. I love Patron tequila.
25. I like to drive with the windows down and the sunroof open even if it is too hot or cold. I blast the heat or air conditioning accordingly.
26. I had a hard childhood. Adulthood isn't so easy either, I guess.
27. I hate to drive. I live five miles from work so I don't have to commute.
28. I can't eat meat with bones in it. I can't even eat it if someone takes the meat off the bone for me.
29. I don't like most pork most of the time, and I don't like turkey. But I do like turkey bacon. Ha.
30. I love broccoli and ranch dressing.
31. I like to eat my honey mustard with a little chicken.
32. I can make a mean cherry cobbler. Seriously, it will kick your ass. But it tastes so good doing it...
33. I am very displeased with the fact that immigrants won't learn English. If I moved to France, I'd have to learn French. Why doesn't that apply here?
34. I am also very displeased that there are so many illegal immigrants not paying taxes. I don't care if you're here, but do it legally, asshole.
35. I have nothing against other races, but I love it when Travis says "Welcome to the Quickie Mart" in the Apu accent or does his "ala alaha halaalaha" jihad scream. And, for the record, they are not rag heads. It is more like a sheet, the thing they wear on their heads. I think the proper term might be "sheet heads".
36. I think people are too sensitive about race relations.
37. I'm not discriminatory. I make fun of everyone and everything. Get over it.
38. I think my sex drive is abnormally lower than it should be for my age, but I don't know why.
39. My heels get really dry, and I can't seem to get the crusty stuff to go away.
40. I watched Barney as a child.
41. I also watched Power Rangers as a child.
42. I have hypothyroidism, and it sucks.
43. My sister is the polar opposite of me in terms of appearance: I have dark hair and semi-dark skin, and she is super white with strawberry-blonde hair.
44. My brother is five years younger than me, and my sister is ten years younger than me. We are almost exactly five years apart--just off by a couple months.
45. I like how things are oxymorons but you can still get away with saying them. Eg: almost exactly
46. I have an incomprehensible amount of respect for those serving our country in the military.
47. I love a man in uniform, but I love my man more.
48. I suck at spelling. Spellchecker is my best friend. We hang out together on the weekends.
49. I love those frozen, microwaveable burritos. They are really cheap, and they taste goooood!
50. I like to eat those frozen strawberries (in syrup) out of the container.
51. I believe in God, and I have accepted him as my Lord and Savior, but I do not go to church.
52. I have a lot of questions about God and how things work.
53. I scuba dive--as long as it is really warm.
54. I ride motorcycles--as long as it is really warm.
55. I am a good shot at a moving target but I haven't been shooting in a while.
56. I have two semiautomatic pistols, and I would not hesitate to use them to protect myself.
57. I weigh literally twice what I weighed a mere four or five years ago. It is very disheartening. I realize the hypothyroidism is mostly to blame, but I can't seem to get the weight off. It's very difficult to go from a size 0 who weighs less than 90 pounds to fat as hell.
58. My favorite childhood story that my grandmother and mom tell is this: My grandmother threw the cat outside and yelled "Stay out, you damn cat!" for whatever reason, and I walked over to the door, opened it, yelled "Damn cat!", and slammed the door. I was, like, three.
59. I would like to learn to knit and then knit a scarf.
60. I love to take pictures, and I fancy myself a pretty good picture-taker, if I do say so myself.
61. I need somewhat constant positive reinforcement.
62. I use wikipedia a lot.
63. I think five-day work-weeks and two-day weekends are what is wrong with this country.
64. I sometimes think I must be bipolar.
65. I would like to not be at work right now.
66. I would like to go back to school and get a nursing degree. Kennesaw State has an accelerated nursing program for those who already have a BS in sciences. It only take a year and a half.
67. I hate to wear shoes. I usually wear flip-flops, even in winter.
68. I get bored very easily, and I have a short attention span.
69. I forget things a lot.

Well, I'm getting kind of tired of this. At least I made it to 69. That's a good number, eh? Maybe I'll bore you with this again sometime, but for now that's it. I really didn't have anything better to blog about, anyway.