Grammar Tidbit of the Day

Youst is not a word.

Example: I youst to go to church there, but I don't anymore.

Eeeeehhhtt. Wrong.

Confession: I had a Nervous Breakdown in Public

I alluded to this previously. I thought it deserved a blog post.

I had to go to the unemployment office to reapply for unemployment when my severance ran out. Why they can't just do that if you are certifying I don't know. So, I have to get up at the ass crack, go stand in line for an hour, deal with fucking morons who can't figure out which end to shit out of, and get a different answer from every person I talk to. It's a blast.

So, I do my time in line, and they check me in. And, they tell me to go sit down and wait for my name to be called. Um, didn't I just wait in line? Whatever. So, I sit and wait for my name to be called. I go up, and I tell her my severance has ran out, and she reopens my claim. Then, she says I need to meet with a reemployment representative, and she says to sit down and they will call my name. So, I sit, and I wait, and no one calls my name. After 30 more minutes, I go up and ask what the hold up is, you know, besides their complete idiocy.

She tells me I was supposed to go into the reemployment workshop that start an hour ago that is two hours long that will not begin again for another hour. So, I'm like, um, no. So, she gets someone from that department to meet with me one on one. And, he says I wasn't even supposed to meet with him. I just needed to reopen my claim, and I could go.

Awesome. Two hours of my life I'll never get back.

But it gets better.

I ask what will happen if I miss these stupid little workshops if I am working full time. And, he's like, if you're working full time, you don't get unemployment. And, I'm like, what the fuck?

And, I. Lose. It.

Because I will not even be making as much as my unemployment benefit while teaching (and the unemployment benefit is a third of what I made before).

I fucking lost it.

In public.

Like breakdown. In tears.

Dude did not know what to do.

Poor guy.

So, he gets a claims person to come over, and she confirms what I thought before (he was wrong), and I run like hell.

I was already supposed to be at school observing any way, and I was worried about being so late.

I know, it was stupid, but I was in there, I was shaking, I was nervous, I was red faced and my blood pressure was spiking, I was sick to my stomach, and I was just all around not feeling well. The stress was just getting to me. And, when he told me I was basically fucked, I just couldn't handle it all. I guess that makes me a weak person, but I am about two seconds from going to get some anxiety drugs. I have always been high strung, but this is unreal. For anyone who has ever experienced a panic attack, a nervous breakdown, or any other mental issue, it is a real and true medical problem. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. I just wanted to get that public service announcement out.

Thanks.

FYI: Points of Interest

First of all, I want to apologize for being MIA lately. I would make a POW joke here, but that's something you just don't joke about. I've been very busy and stressed. I have compiled a bulleted list of items that may be of interest to those of you who actually read my blog and give two shits.

• I am getting married April 24th.
• I am moving the following weekend. Kill. Me. Now.
• I am starting a supply teaching (long term substitute) position Wednesday. It will go until June 5th.
• I start summer classes for nursing June 8th--the Monday after I finish teaching on Friday.
• I am going to have a stroke/heart attack/nervous breakdown. Actually, I sort of had one already in the unemployment office today, but I'll make a whole post about that because it is just so damn pathetic and typical.
• I have been trying to at least skim the blogs I really care about, like Monkeydarts, Conservative Women, Conservative Wisdom (when Clay is not completely unreasonable and unrealistically hard headed--no offense), etc, etc. If I didn't list you, it doesn't mean I don't love you, so don't have a fit and delete me like we're in 5th grade.
• I have been leaving limited comments, but I am trying.
• I have been posting very infrequently, and I'm sorry. I just don't have enough hours.
• I miss ya'll, and I appreciate the patience. It really makes my day when you leave me comments. I'm sorry I can't return the favor as much as I should.
• I am going to go pass out now.

You've Got to be Kidding: City Limit Fail

So, I go to pay for my reception hall for the wedding, and I am all excited. See, if you live in the city limits, you get the smaller room for $17 an hour. For 3 hours, that's only about $50. That's cheap as hell. Now, if you don't live in the city limits, it is TWICE that, at $35 an hour, or $105 for three hours. Guess which I get to pay. Yeah, the $35 an hour. Why? Because my house sits in a tiny anomaly of outside the city limits completely surrounded by city limits. Awesome.

You've Got to be Kidding: Typing Illiteracy

Is it really possible in the year 2009 that anyone below the age of 30 cannot touch-type?

Well, it shouldn't be.

Everyone in the past 10 years has been required to take a typing class in school (at least in Georgia). I started in 6th grade. 6th grade, kids. And, while I am an exception to the norm because my dad was a programmer, and we had computers my entire life (ie, in the 80's!), I can't grasp the fact that anyone in my generation cannot at least type a little. I mean, you should not have to look around the keyboard to find a letter. Really.

I know this is totally random, but the girl at my tanning salon is a hunt and pecker of the worst persuasion. And, she can't be 30. She's been tanning her entire life, and her skin would look a hell of a lot worse if she were. (I am only tanning for a month or two before the wedding. White does not go with white skin no matter what.) It is just unbelievable to me. Did the girl not go to high school? Well, that's entirely possible. I mean, she wears an "Elite Beach Bunny" tank top every time I see her. She can't be the brightest bulb in the pack, OK.

Anyway, I think we need to start one of those nonprofits to end typing illiteracy. I mean, they must have a cookie cutter set of directions by now. There are only about 10 nonprofits for every person in the United States. I mean, just fill in the blank: The nonprofit group to end ________. It's kind of ridiculous.

Reception Hall Directions

I am feeling like the cutesy wootsy artsy fartsy type. I know. Scary.

Anywho, I had a really cute idea for the wedding, and I want to share it with all the other stressed brides out there. If I can help, I always want to.

This is a bubble tube with directions to the reception hall attached. It is really simple and inexpensive--and very cute, as you can see! The pack of bubble tubes is $7 for 36 at Michaels. The business cards are $7 for 250 at Office Max, and the ribbon is $.50 per 10 yard roll at Michaels. I also bought a heart shaped (gah, the cuteness!), single hole punch (1/4") for $6 at Office Max. My total invested for 72 is about $30. You can't beat that with a stick.

Assembly is very easy, once you get your business cards printed. Be patient, the template never prints exactly right, and you WILL have to try again and again. I recommend printing on your fastest and lightest setting until you get it right (think draft mode), and use plain paper until you can make it line up. You will have to repeat the process for the back because the paper is flipped over and WILL be different. Once you have the cards done, simply break apart (yay for perforations!) and assemble. I recommend a 6" length of 1/4" ribbon. I did white, but you can use your wedding color, as well, and it will be very pretty. Punch a hole in one corner, being sure to stay away from text and the edge. Run the ribbon through both the bubble tube top and the business card. Tie in a knot that is loose (as in not stuck to the top of the bubbles so the card flips easily).

And, you're done. Only 71 to go. LOL.

THE Varsity

The good ol' greasy V. The best place ever. Now, apparently, they have these things all over the place. I thought they were just in Atlanta and Athens--as in, only 2 of them. Not so much. But, I will say that the original is like no other. The constant calls of "Whaddaya have?" fill the air with something truly special. I've been to the one in Athens a few dozen times, and I have to say, it just can't compare to downtown. I had the best hotdog of my life yesterday. And, it was a hotdog. Can you say, "Nasty!"? The onion rings were as greasy as humanly possible, but delicious nonetheless. I will admit I was sick all afternoon because I never eat really greasy, nasty food like that. But, it was worth it. We'll overlook the fact that the downtown Varsity is in Tech Country (or City, really).

Little Help?

I need a first dance song with my new husband and my dad. As in, I need you to help me pick one. As in, please give me ideas because I have no fucking clue. Please. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Talk amongst yourselves.

Turtle Tracks Ice Cream

If you have never had turtle tracks ice cream, them shits are good. It is vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered caramel turtles (actually shaped like little turtles, which there are never enough of!), chocolate covered pecans, and a swirl of caramel. Can you say "Yum"? I think you can.

But, I got to thinking about this whole turtle track thing. And, I've decided my favorite ice cream is still chocolate chip cookie dough. Why? Think about it. Do you see any turtle feet shaped tracks in that ice cream? No. You see chocolate covered hunks of nuts and caramel swirl.

Looks strikingly like poo and piss, huh? That's what I thought.

So, now I'm having a hard time chomping on those cute little turtles because I feel like I'm munching on their excrement, too. I am going back to old faithful. Chocolate chip cookie dough, here I come.

FYI: I'M GETTING MARRIED!

That is all.

Carry on.

You've Got to be Kidding: Only in Georgia...

...can you have snow on Sunday and it be 70 degrees by Saturday.

Below are some pretty pictures of our excuse for snow. My parents (in the NE of the state) and other family members are all under about 7 inches of snow without power right now. My experience was earlier in the day, so most of it has melted. I hope I get some pictures from up there. I don't think we've had snow like that since the blizzard of '93. Lord, look at me, I'm talking like my grandma. "Blizzard of '93." I'm getting old...