My New Toy!

Meet my new toy. It is so awesomeness! My PDA wouldn't work on campus because it is ancient--but still wonderful, and I still use it... So, I rushed right out and bought me a mini lap top. It's soooo cute! Gag. Anyway. It's pretty close to my old laptop--but a third of the size and weight. It's much more portable, and I love it. Two things to be aware of if you are looking at mini laptops. 1) They run XP--not Vista. Vista is huge and honking and sucks anyway. So, no biggie. 2) There is not currently a mini I know of that has a CD/DVD drive. You have to get an external (~$75). Still, no biggie. This thing is perfect for trips and day to day use. The screen on mine is the 10-inch instead of the 8.9. It makes a HUGE difference. Do not get an 8.9-inch screen. Microcenter has good deals on them in general, but I prefer the HP. I got it $50 less than the HP site price. Now I'm off to play with my cutesy wootsey widdle bitty lappy toppy. (Makes gagging noises.)

Assholes Like You Should Take The Bus

My wonderful husband* gave me this

And, I scanned it and put it up here just for you. Please print and distribute as needed.

*Now, you know why I married his ass.

Dear Penis, Titties and Beer, & Show Them to Me

The other day, I told you about my new favoritest song EVER.

Well, I heard this song, and I thought it might be my new favoritest song EVER.

But, then, I heard this song, and it is most definitely my new most favoritest song EVER EVER!

But, then, I'll be damned if I didn't hear this song, and it is now most definitely my new most favoritest song EVER EVER EVER!

Bitch, You Do Not Ride Wit Me

Bitch, you ride the Marta bus.

My new favoritest song EVER.

Calculate Your Dog's Age

Someone sent me a link to an article on Pedigree's site about dogs being able to see some colors. That was all fine and good and pretty cool, but then I found this. It is a calculator to see how old your specific dog is in dog years. I guess every breed is different. I never knew that. I thought it was about 7 years per calendar year. That would make my Chihuahua about to turn 14 in April. The calendar says he's about to turn 24! Wow. He'll be my age. That's kinds weird, seeing as how I think of him as my kid. Illegitimate much? LOL... I just thought I'd share.

Scarecrows Didn't Scare-up Enough for Guinness

Awhile back, I told you about the city of Hoschton's attempt to break the Guinness world record for most scarecrows in one place. Well, apparently, they didn't get the Guinness record on some stupid technicality--even though they exceeded the previous record by over 2,000 scarecrows. According to the AJC, the scarecrows had to all be in one place, as in the town. Hoschton had them spread throughout the town's zip code--which is not the same as in the town, according to Guinness. Now, is that just stupid or is that just stupid? I mean, have you seen the size of Hoschton? It's a stop sign on a black top, a speck on a map, a blink and you miss it. And, I do not exaggerate.

But, they didn't let that get them down:

"Hoschton toasted its new world record for 'The Most Scarecrows in One Location' with a bonfire on Saturday evening at the Kenerly farm on Ga. Hwy. 53. A U.S.-based company, the World Records Academy, gave the city the title..."

So, they do hold a world record, but they are not in the Guinness book. I find that a little ridiculous, but we all know in our hearts that they beat that record--by over 2,000. And, I think that's enough for them. That put that tiny little town on the map for a lot more people than had ever known it before. I'm really proud of them for thinking up something creative to get people into the city and increase revenues without increasing the residents' taxes 10-fold. Bravo, Small Town, USA, bravo!

"Silence! I Kill You!"

If you have never seen this, it is hilarious. Just watch the whole thing. You have nothing better to do. Trust me. Note that there is some explicit language.

And, this is a little late, but still very funny.

Attention UGA Fans!

Calling all UGA fans for a GREAT cause.

Uncle Rick, a.k.a. Mr. UGA, a.k.a. Dad's brother, has some connections. And, he has in his possession an official UGA football helmet worn by none other than Mr. Knowshon Moreno (complete with all the little dog bones and stuff they wear but NOT signed).

Raffle tickets are $20 each. Note that you will not actually get a ticket, but the names will go on a board numbered 1 to however-many we have, and one number will be drawn from a hat at the end.

HOWEVER, if you are absolutely dying to have a UGA football helmet, Mr. UGA may be able to get you one for the not too shocking price tag of $200. Don't faint, and, remember, all profits go to Mom and Dad to help pay for his ongoing medical bills.

As an update, he had his fourth surgery Saturday night (emergency surgery), and he is in ICU. For those of you who don't know about what is going on, here is the short version: Travis' Dad, Charles, had colon cancer. He had surgery to remove part of his bowel, and it was a complete success as far as the cancer goes. The tumor is completely gone, and the cancer had not spread, at all, so he didn't even need chemo. However, he then had another surgery to fix a little leak where they reconnected things. He went home the day after Thanksgiving, after 22 days in the hospital. Unfortunately, the wound wasn't healing, and he was readmitted the following Wednesday. He had a third surgery that Thursday to pull the muscles together for the incision to help it heal. On Saturday, they did an emergency surgery to put in a colostomy bag because the bowel was leaking inside his body. He developed sepsis from this, and has been in ICU in a drug-induced coma since Saturday night. Margaret (Travis' Mom) hasn't left his side for more than a shower since this started, and she is not working. He is improving, and they are slowly removing the machines that were needed to keep things going while he was in the coma and bringing him out. He isn't home free, but he is stable and going the right direction .

If you know us, and you would like to help out our family, please do not send flowers or gift baskets, please buy a raffle ticket! Buy one even if you hate UGA. You can ebay the damn thing and make your $20 bucks back plus some.

If you don't know us, I swear this is legit, and it will make a wonderful Valentine's gift for your man (because we all know Valentine's is not designed for the men) or your sensible woman (since we all know sensible women love football, not flowers that just die).

You may email me at lindseyatuga@hotmail.com if you would like a ticket or if you have any questions.

The Vent

I ran across this thing on the Atlanta-Journal Constitution website, and, man, is it great! It's called "The Vent". Apparently, you can call or email a vent to them, and they will post it on their website. Some even get put in print it looks like. I'm not an AJC reader, so I am not positive, but it appears that way. They even have the online ones broken down into several categories. There is the main one: "Metro". Then, there are tons more, like "Cobb" and "UGA". I'm an official fan. Some of my favorites:

• "Celebrate some made-holiday if you want to...as for me and my house, we'll celebrate Christmas!"
• "It's all over the news that we are in a recession. Really?! Where have these people been for the last year? "
• "Why do some people feel like prayers should be regulated more closely than other speech?"
• "I wouldn't worry about the damage to the hedges. It's the defense at UGA that needs repair."
• "I have a feeling that those of us who pay our mortgages and bills each month are going to get screwed in this bailout."
• "I don't know about the rest of you, but I am so over Oprah."
• "You must not work for Citigroup or GM, or watched your retirement funds disappear, or even read the newspaper if you think there is a 'supposed' economic crisis. "
• "Grocery stores increased their prices and blamed the price of gas, so how come they didn’t decrease them when the price of gas went back down?"
• "Retired teachers: Don’t worry; in spite of my retirement income dropping 50 percent, I’ll still pay my taxes so you can have a 3 percent per year cost-of-living raise while the cost of living has decreased."

Why You Should be Nice to Your Customers

Found on AOL News:

"Just a tip for waitstaff worldwide: A little courtesy can go a long way.

"Jessica Osborne was so nice to one set of frequent patrons of the Indiana pizza restaurant where she works that they always requested her as their server.

"'They make your day better when they come in,' Osborne said of the family.

"During one meal, the waitress paused during a lull in her shift to sit with the family and chat. She mentioned that she'd had to drop out of college twice because she couldn't afford her tuition.

"A week later, the family returned for what seemed like a regular outing. But this time they topped their pizza dinner off with a check for $10,000."

Just slap amazing. I almost teared up a little.

Skid Marks: On the Road and In My Pants

So, have you ever ridden a motorcycle? First, let me tell you that it is the single best thing I've ever done in my life. Really. I mean, where else can you sit on a 300 pound vibrator and no one thinks anything about it? I kid, I kid. But, really, I loved my bike. I miss it every freakin' day. I want need another one before the withdrawals kill me.

But, motorcycles are also super dangerous. Not usually the bikers fault, true, but dangerous nonetheless. Stupid motorists aside, I know I've locked my back tire down a time or two. There was a skid mark on the pavement, and, I admit, I had to check to make sure there wasn't one in my britches.

Well, all those days may be a'changin'. A new study shows that anti-lock brakes are beneficial for bikes--just like cars. They reduce crashes by 38%! That's a lot!

Because the number of bikes on the road has literally doubled in the past ten years, and the fatalities aren't far behind, I think this is great news. The cost increase would be about $1000, but I'd definitely buy a bike with anti-lock brakes now--even if it cost a little more. Yay for new safety features!

*Note: Anti-lock brakes on bikes is not really new. They were introduced in 1988 by BMW. They are actually on about 40 of the 2008 models, but they are typically touring bikes made by BMW, Harley, and Honda--not the sport bikes.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive

Now, if this isn't the coolest coincidence, I don't know what is:

"Sounds like the Bee Gees knew what they were talking about — and were years ahead of medical research.

"The band's iconic 1977 disco anthem 'Stayin' Alive' provides an ideal beat to follow while performing chest compressions as part of CPR on a heart attack victim, U.S. doctors have found.

"The American Heart Association calls for chest compressions to be administered at a rate of 100 per minute during cardiopulmonary resuscitation, or CPR. Ironically, 'Stayin' Alive' chimes in with 103 beats per minute, Reuters reports.

"In a small study headed by Dr. David Matlock of the University of Illinois College of Medicine at Peoria, listening to 'Stayin' Alive' helped 15 doctors and medical students to perform chest compressions on dummies at the proper speed, according to the Reuters report.

"'The theme "Stayin' Alive" is very appropriate for the situation,' Matlock told Reuters. 'Everybody's heard it at some point in their life. People know the song and can keep it in their head.'"

Amazing. That song was written long before the study, and just so happens to be titled "Stayin' Alive". Now, I realize there are probably a ton of songs with about 100 beats per minute, but that's just so cool!

Peterhead Prison

From MSNBC Weird News:

"David Norris never knew his father, who left home when Norris was 5 months old. Now 22, Norris is serving a minimum-12-year sentence for killing a man after an earlier rape conviction and is housed in Peterhead prison, which is the primary lockup for Scotland's sex criminals. Soon after arrival, according to a Scottish Daily Record report, Norris ran into David Gilles, 39, serving life for the kidnapping and sexual torture of a young woman, and realized that Gilles is his dad. [Scottish Daily Record, 8-26-08]"

The story is interesting in itself, I admit, but how about that Peterhead Prison? Which is the "primary lockup for Scotland's sex criminals". Peterhead. Sex criminals. Coincidence? I think not.

MILF

From MSNBC Weird News:

"Wendy Brown, 33, was charged with identity theft in Green Bay, Wis., in September after she enrolled at Ashwaubenon High School pretending to be her 15-year-old daughter (who actually lives in Nevada). Though Brown has a 'history' of identify-theft issues (according to a school official who spoke with Brown's mother), one motive in this case was to fulfill a longtime dream of becoming a cheerleader, and she had been attending practices and had made the squad, according to school officials, even though some people had noticed that she looked a little older than the other girls. [Wisconsin State Journal-AP, 9-12-08]"

Damn, I hope I can pass for 15 when I'm 33! I just hope I'm not as screwed in the head as that chick!

Zappos

So, my mom just told me about this website called Zappos. I may never go to a shoe store again. It isn't like they have my size anyway! This site is amazing. They offer free shipping BOTH WAYS. Yeah, I said BOTH WAYS. So, if you get a pair of shoes, and you don't like them or they don't fit, you can send them back FOR FREE. And, they even have small sizes--some as small as a four. Unbelievable. The reason this all came up is that I just spent an hour in DSW, and I only found one pair of shoes that fit me. One pair. In DSW. Have you ever been in a DSW? Those mothers are huge! I mean, they have like a thousand pairs of shoes. And, these don't even fit me that great. I really needed a five, and I had to get a five and a half. So, I need to know. Are these shoes too frumpy?

If they are, I'm taking them back and getting these:

Please tell me your thoughts. I suck at this stuff. I need some cute brown shoes to wear to work with khaki, brown, and navy pants. Leave me a comment, and let me know.

Ode to Dolly

I love Dolly Parton. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I guess it sounds silly, but she just seems so real to me. No pun intended. She seems like the absolute sweetest person you'll ever meet, but she's not afraid to tell it like it is. And, I just love her. I'm reading this book by Charlotte Connors entitled How Dolly Parton Saved My Life. I'm not done with it yet, but I had to read it just because of the title. Someone else wrote a review for it, though, so you can check that out. Anyway, I just felt like writing a blog about something I like, instead of something I don't like, for a change. And here it goes:

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”

"If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.”

"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

"Storms make trees take deeper roots.”

"My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.”

“I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.”

"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try.”

"It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

"I'm not going to limit myself just because people won't accept the fact that I can do something else.”

"I hope people realize that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs.”

"Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.”

"It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.”

"I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.”

"I have got little feet because nothing grows in the shade."

"I like to buy clothes that are two sizes too small and then take them in a little."

"If I see something saggin', baggin', or dragin', I'm gonna have it nipped, tucked, or sucked."

Don't Give Me Any Crap!

Sent to me in an email by my loving boyfriend:

Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply it. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

So, dear boyfriend, don't give me any crap...because you know what you'll have coming!

Hahahaha.

Scarecrows for the Win!

Man! This is just so freakin' cool! A town (Hoschton, GA) from my home county (Jackson County) is trying to break a Guinness World Record--for having the most SCARECROWS in one place! They are hoping to have over 4000 scarecrows up by September 1st. For more information, you can go to their website. They are not only breaking world records, they are raising money for a local charity (Driving Magic)--Publix is donating $1 for every scarecrow. They will keep the scarecrows up until their Fall Festival (September 26-27), so if you're in northeast Georgia, you might want to drive through. I'd say it is probably a pretty cool sight to see 4000 scarecrows in a tiny one-horse town!

Real Life Iron Man

Some good news amid all the bad: we can make real life Iron Men! They may have these suits available to the masses by 2010, and they won't really cost much more than the better wheelchairs currently on the market--and users with be able to WALK instead of sit and roll! That is pretty freakin' cool.

Let's Lego

I don't have an artistic bone in my body (and, no, I do not want one), but wouldn't you love to be this guy?! He builds Lego sculptures for a living. The one above was made for Ashlee Simpson. He has made some awesome stuff. And he gets paid six-figures for playing with Legos all day! I hate him.