What's Wrong with this Picture?

This is my 19 year old brother. (Cute, ain't he? He gets it honest.) Mom took us out to sushi while we were home this weekend. I know, it was a pathetic Valentine's--we have no extra money to spend. Although, I did pitch a fit like a 6 year old for Madagascar 2, which I got. Anywho, please look at that picture, and tell me what is wrong with it. Feel free to click to open it full size. No, it is not that he is on his phone while having dinner with the family. It's much worse. Give up? Please see the picture below.

Yes, that is my adult brother using the children's chopsticks. I love embarrassing the kid. Bless his heart. At least they gave him the ones that blend in with the chopsticks instead of the bright red ones. Although, that would be much funnier. Much funnier. Please feel free to click to see it full size--and fully appreciate his uncoordinated ass.

Just Another Manic Monday

I wish it were Sunday. Oh, hell, I wish it were Friday afternoon. Again. Over and over and over. Again.

I've been on vacation for almost two whole weeks, and today is my first day back. I have a migraine. Enough said.

I just am not feeling very chipper and rested after so many days at home (a few were spent back home with my family, which is always nice). See, I have this little sleeping issue. I say "little" because, well, I'm not really much for self pity. But, really, it's a big shitty problem that I've had for, oh, say, 10 years now? No, I'm not that old. I have always had trouble sleeping. As a child, I slept at night, got up early and never ever napped. I didn't sleep in the car while we were driving--even the six hours to the beach. I didn't sleep during nap time in Kindergarten, which always got me frowny faces. ...Those bitches, I can't help it I can't sleep!... Anywho, I've been taking something to help me sleep for going on six years now. And, I think it is past its prime.

I know I was out of my routine last night when I went to bed, but it was friggin' ridiculous. It's often like that on Sunday. I lay down, and I can't get to sleep for hours. Then, when I finally do get to sleep, I wake up at 2 AM and never go back to sleep. And, it isn't like I hate my job or something. I just get very anxious on Sunday nights. On other nights, I get anxious, as well, but Sunday is the worst. I don't know why.

So, I'm really exhausted, and I just got back from a two week vacation. Of doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. But resting. Please explain this to me. I think I've decided it is shrink time. I think I'll make an appointment to see the psychiatrist. I want a sleep study. I want someone to tell me why I get highly anxious at night and no other time. What the hell is that?! I realize I'm high strung, but SERIOUSLY. Let a girl get some sleep.

Add that to the fact that I'm going to have to PAY taxes this year. Yeah, I won't be getting a single cent back, I'll be paying those good for nothing bastards. And, this is AFTER paying almost $6,000 in federal taxes alone this year. Go ahead, go calculate how much I make. Freaks. Anyway, I'm not 100% sure on that yet because I don't have my W-2, but from my paycheck stubs, it ain't looking so hot. I was so thrilled we got bonuses this year (even if our profit-where bonuses come from-was 1/3 last year's profit, for our company to be making a profit at all in our economy is amazing!). And, even though it was $1500 less than I got last year, it was still great to get anything. I was looking forward to putting some money into my savings and building it back up. Nope. Think again. That'll be going to the IRS and that son-of-a-bitch Obama with all his new ideas. Kill. Me. Now.

And, throw in a little of Travis' dad is still in the hospital. Even though he is out of ICU and the coma finally, I still miss him. And, Pepe really misses his Grandparents. We go over to feed Travis' Jack Russell, Mickey, who Pepe loves, and Pepe runs up to the house to see Mom and Dad. But no Mom and Dad is to be found. Sigh...

I guess I'm just a little down today. I've tried to pick myself up a little. I walked down five flight of stairs to the mailroom three times today. I'd walk back up, but it's hot as hell in there, and I'm fat, and I sweat. It didn't really make me feel a whole lot better. I ate a sensible lunch and don't think I gained much over the holiday, which is awesome. I've come to realize I could eat a box of donuts or a handful of broccoli and I'd gain the same amount of weight--a lot to be exact. Someone can explain that shit to me next (right after they explain my sleep issues).

Anywho, I know this is a dreaded personal post, so I'll wrap this boring shit up. But, I just wanted to write that for me. I feel a teeny bit better. Even if I still have a migraine. Ugh.

Maggiano's Little Italy

The other day, my Mom brought my Granny down to see me. Grandma doesn't do all that great some days, so it was really good that she came out here and back with no issues. She got her walker and just zipped right along. Anyway, Mom's husband and my sister came with them, and Travis met us all at Maggiano's Little Italy at Cumberland. There aren't many of these restaurants around here. There are only three in the entire state, apparently. And, I don't think there are many in other states, either. Heck, a lot of states don't have any. So, I thought I'd do a review on the place in case anyone wanted to make a special trip to try one. Here goes:

We had fried mozzarella and stuffed mushrooms for appetizers. The cheese was AWESOME. I loved it. I don't like mushrooms, but I tried a little of the stuffing in them. I thought it was OK. Mom and her husband loved them. And, the servings are enormous. The mushrooms aren't like little baby portobellos. They are about three inches wide. And, they bring you about 10 of them. It's a lot of food. Mom and Granny got side salads. I tried some of Mom's with the vinaigrette dressing. It was very good. I got the spinach salad. Terrible. Ugh. I hated it.

Grandma and mom got the lasagna. It was huge. A good 6in x 4in x 4in block. I tasted a little of my Mom's, and it seemed kind of sausagey. I don't like that. She liked it though, and Granny ate the shit out of hers.

Travis has the chicken marsala. It had THREE chicken breasts, but no sides. I thought that was odd. Even Olive Garden gives you some potatoes or something. Again, too much food to eat, though.

My Sis got spaghetti and meatballs. She got the half serving. E. Nor. Mous. The half serving is a normal serving at a normal restaurant. She didn't really say if she liked it or not, but she took her left-overs, so it couldn't have been too bad.

Mom's husband and I had the fettuccine alfredo. He had chicken. I did not. I got the half order. He did not. (And, this little piggie went wee wee wee all the way home...I mean, um, nevermind...) The regular sized bowl was about a five gallon bucket. And, I swear to God I am NOT exaggerating. Swear. To. God. It was ridiculous. It took three to-go boxes to get his left-overs wrapped up. It was pretty good, but I felt like there wasn't enough sauce.

All in all, my verdict is it is over-priced. Sure, they give you enough for six people to eat for four days, but it really wasn't all that good. I think I'll stick with Olive Garden.

The 2008 Year in Review

So, this has been a pretty eventful year. I have painstakingly put together a recap of everything I can think of at this very moment for a "Year in Review" (please click all pictures for larger):

In January, my office basically started over. In December, the guy who had sold his business to our company left--and took all the clients with him. January was a month of getting our bearings, moving forward, and trying to figure out who our new clients might be. Most of the employees in our office left to work for the other guy, and it came down to just my boss and me. We hired a receptionist, but she didn't work out--and we need to just leave it at that.

In February, I started this blog. It sort of started out being more about me and less about what's going on around me. But, I think the "Where are you Batman?" story started changing that for me.

Over the next couple months, March and April, I wrote very few blog posts, and they have since been removed. I was dealing with a very bad situation at work, and I was having a hard time moving away from that and getting it off my mind. It didn't really have much to do with work itself but with something that happened there. Work actually started picking up because our corporate office starting giving us work. Since then, I've been working for a large client and dealing with all the intricacies of them adding more water infrastructure to a military base. I have really liked going to the base. It makes me think of my grandfather who served in the Air Force for 22 years. I still miss him a lot, and the base sort of feels like a safe and happy place for me. I do hate the drive, though. Ugh.

May saw a slight pick-up in my blogging. Things started to improve with the situation, and work was going well with the work we'd been given from corporate. I found out I had hypothyroidism, and thought that I was going to move in this wonderful direction of losing weight. I mean, I just thought it would start falling off. After all, I was eating right and exercising. I was counting every calorie. But, alas, I am still gaining. It is quite a struggle to go from 100 pounds of tiny cuteness to 200 pounds of lard ass. I have a new appreciate for the DUFF--Designated Ugly, Fat Friend--because I am one now. I got out of that soul-crushing apartment and into the house I'm renting now. It was the best decision I've made in a long time. Don't ever rent from AMLI. Ever. Travis and I had our one year anniversary. I can't believe he's put up with me this long! We went to the Melting Pot for dinner to celebrate, and it was AMAZING! That was the first time I'd ever been. I highly recommend it, but unless you are rolling in cash, save it for VERY special occasions.

June was a great month. I got to go to Savannah for the first time in my life--even though I've lived in Georgia the entire time. Fort Pulaski was awesome. I took so many wonderful pictures that I am just insanely proud of. I love taking pictures, and I am trying to get better at it--trying to make them look professional. I really, really want a new camera that is ridiculous, but we'll probably wait on that one. We ate at Seasons of Japan while we were there, and it was amazing. You HAVE to go there if you are ever in Savannah! While in Savannah, we went to Tybee Island and went to the beach for a few hours. I love the beach. We went up into the Tybee Island Lighthouse while we were there, and that was really cool.

In July, I really started getting bummed about the economy. I did get to spend some time with my brother, though, so that was cool. I spent time with a lot of my family in July because I got to go home for the 4th. I took some really cool fireworks pictures. Uga VI passed away. That was sad.

In August, the Bulldogs were predicted to go to the title game. It didn't last long. We went to Pelham to the quarry there to dive. It was amazing as usual. I love that place. It gets cold pretty fast when you hit that thermocline, but it's beautiful and clear--and a very short drive for diving! I freaked out about the Large Hadron Collider a little. I got a Crackberry, and it now ru(i)ns my life. We had a month full of birthdays. Travis' Mom's is on the 10th, Travis' is on the 14th, my Mom's is on the 20th, and my step-mom's is on the 16th. And, sadly, my grandfather had a severe stroke. He wasn't doing super great there for a while, but he's doing decent now. His speech has kind of hit a plateau it seems to me. He isn't slurring, he just doesn't enunciate well. His leg is working pretty normally, but his hand is still giving him the run-around. He's still working on it, though. My grandmother thinks he may have had another mild stroke, and my dad seems to think he isn't getting much better now. I hope it's just a plateau he will overcome soon.

In September, we went to Vortex Spring to dive. It was a little cold, but there were no thermoclines, so it was constant--and much more bearable. Just pee a little, and you'll be warm in no time! (No kidding, don't knock it if you don't dive. There are two kinds of divers: those who pee their wetsuits and those who lie about it.) After Vortex, we went to Fort Walton Beach for a day. It was amazing. I obsessed over the lesser of two evils Presidential campaign--an obsession that would lead up to a great disappointment come Nov 4th. And, tragedy struck again when Larry Munson announced his retirement. I was heartbroken. I love the "Voice of the Dawgs"! But, I got to spend some time at home and have some wild "Muskydines and Scuppendines"! I had to get my wisdom teeth removed, and I'd never had a single surgery in my life. So, I was terrified of being put to sleep. But, all went well, and I got a very nice bouquet of flowers from work. That was so thoughtful! While we were home, we went to Hoschton to see the scarecrows. They were trying to break a Guinness World Record--I think they did!

In October, my step-mom was laid off. She still hasn't gotten a job. Where are you now, Obama? But, we got to go to the Atlanta Botanical Garden and see the Sculpture in Motion exhibit, so at least some good came from the month. Speaking of plants, that was the month the giant mushroom tried to take over my yard. Them little shits are still trying to get me, but I kick their ass whenever they come up! And, of course, we had a fun Halloween. I went as Sarah Palin.

I turned 24 in November. I have to say, that wasn't all that fun. Less fun, though, was finding out that Travis' Dad had colon cancer. He went into the hospital on Nov 6th for surgery. After 22 days and 2 surgeries, he got to go home (that was the day after Thanksgiving). Unfortunately, they readmitted him the following Wednesday, and he has had 2 more surgeries and is now in ICU in a drug induced coma. He has sepsis (blood infection) and is having a really hard time. He is cancer free, but he is having some terrible complications from surgery. But, we had a nice Thanksgiving with my step-mom's family, even though I hate going up there, and I wanted to spend it with my family. And, we spent Thanksgiving evening with Travis' family in the hospital. This was also when someone rear-ended Travis' 1965 Mustang. It still isn't fixed. Ugh. On a lighter note, I got my Chubby Snowman, which I love hugging! And, I got some lovely stockings embroidered with Travis', Pepe's, and my names. And, I put my tree up before Thanksgiving because I was so excited about the holidays. Sue me. Finally, Travis and I got engaged on Thanksgiving Day. It was supposed to be for my birthday, but he didn't ask my Dad for his blessing, so I made him wait until he did. Ha.

December has been filled with trying to get into the Christmas spirit despite a year with a lot of setbacks and sad days. It is especially hard with Travis' Dad being in the hospital. He and Travis' Mom spent Thanksgiving there, their 40th wedding anniversary there, and are now going to spend Christmas and New Year's there. And, Mom's house is where we go all the time--especially for holidays--so we're all really bummed and getting exhausted from that 6+ week ordeal.

But, now, I guess it's time to get ready for a new year. Let's hope it's a good, happy, and exciting one!

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

I had a really amazing Christmas this year. I can't believe the incredible presents I got! Thank you to my parents, (future) in-laws, other family, and, of course, Travis for giving me so much more than I deserve! I just have to share some of the tons of gifts with you. First up, I got this adorable gift set in this cute metal dog. I took out the stuff, and I'm going to use the dog bowl as a catch-all on my counter. How cute is that? (Click all pictures for larger.)

Next, I got this awesome craft kit to make a stained-glass mosaic stepping stone. There are two sets in the kit, so I can make both a left and right flip flop. I am really excited about making this. I'm not super crafty, but this will be so cute to sit outside my door. I like one-of-a-kind things, and I can make this my own.

Next, I got this gorgeous peacock lamp. I don't collect peacocks or anything, I just saw this at Lowe's, and I thought it was so beautiful. Travis surprised me with it, of course.

Travis' Mom and Dad got me this rocking chair. I love rocking chairs. I've been wanting one since I moved. This one is actually wood--it is just painted black. I decided I wanted to keep it inside instead of putting it outside. I think it fits well.

My dad pulled a slick one on me, as usual. I asked for a Creative Zen X-Fi or Mozaic MP3 player. Travis got me an adapter to play it over the car radio. Then, Dad says he isn't going to get it because it is too expensive. So, Travis took back the car adapter. Then, Dad got the damn thing, so Travis and I had to go get the adapter thingy again. LOL. I ended up getting the amazing X-Fi in 16G. Wow!

I love red. I made this enormous list of Fiesta servewear that I wanted. I divided the list among Travis and his Mom and Dad and my Mom and her Mom. I ended up getting everything I asked for, including a large (ham/turkey) platter, two smaller platters, two large bowls, a pedestal bowl, three small bowls, a large oval platter, a bread tray, three small trays, a butter dish with lid, a gravy boat, salt and pepper shakers, a tray with a creamer and sugar bowl, and a slotted spoon, solid spoon, meat fork, butter knife, and sugar spoon.

Oh, and this adorable pitcher.

And, it's all made in the USA!

And, now, for the grand finale. My dad got me this super cool new PC. But, it's not just any PC. It's a Media Center PC. Yep. So, right now, I'm typing this post on my new PC, which is plugged into my huge flat screen TV. Yeah, and I'm watching some old Batman movie on TV. At the same time. I know. I'm amazing. I mean, my Dad is amazing. He really went overboard this year...

So, I had a pretty amazing Christmas. And, this isn't even everything I got! That would take me all day! I want everyone to know that I appreciate them so much. I love ya'll!

"I Know. I'm Amazing."

So, in case anyone was wondering, I'm the most amazing fiancee ever. Yep, that's me. This is what I got Travis for Christmas (among other things, of course):

Yes, that's exactly what you think it is. A UGA football helmet signed by none other than Vince Dooley AND Larry Munson.

I know. I'm amazing.

Look What I Can Do! Sausage Balls, A Recipe

OK, so I'm not the world's best cook. OK, I'm probably close to the world's worst cook. But, I'm OK with that. And, so is my "finance" (sic). So, there.

But, anywho, I am having my future-in-law side of the family over to my house tomorrow to do Christmas since we're going home to see my family. I didn't want "my" nieces to have to wait until after Christmas for presents. That's just cruel. Making kids wait until after a holiday for a gift--be it Christmas or birthday--is just completely and utterly wrong. I hated it when assholes did that to me as a kid. Hell, I still hate that shit. Give me my present early if you can't make it the day of. How hard is that? Give. Me. Present! Ugh. I digress. (Sorry, I got excited about presents...)

So, I'm having Mom and Sis and Bro and their kids over tomorrow. We're going to do a finger-food dinner. Sis is bringing chicken tenders and maybe some other stuff, and I'm doing the rest. I was going to make a cheese ball, but let's be real. I am going to make a cheese dip. Hey, that's in a crock pot. That's not actually cooking. I bought a veggie tray with dip, and I'm making a cake and putting birthday candles on it since the kids like to sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus for Christmas (how sweet is that?!).

And, I decided I could make cheese balls. (I think I can. I think I can.) Yes, me, hell on wheels with flour. I know. Lord, help us. But, my Mommy promises me it's the bestest thing ever and soooo easy. Here's my pathetic attempt in the oven:

I know, I know. They are enormous. It's like Elephantiasis of the (sausage) balls. I didn't realize they would get so big! But, they turned out nice and brown (and done). I even ventured to taste them. Gasp! I ate sausage and didn't pitch a bitch. For those who know me, you know what I mean. For those that don't, I'm only about the most picky eater on the planet. I'm worse than a five year old with brussel sprouts. No kidding. I don't normally eat pork because, well, it just kind of grosses me out and makes me want to vomit. Seriously. And, no, I am not vegetarian, OK? So, stop asking.

So, anyway, I don't know if Mom, Sis, Bro, and the kids will like them, but I am leaving a few out for the fiance to try when he gets home. I actually liked them, and if he likes them, they are still on the menu for tomorrow. Here's the recipe (as if you can't find it on google with the first try*):

1 lb. HOT sausage (Regular makes it too bland, or so I'm told. It wasn't very hot with the hot, in case you're wondering, and I hate spicy foods, so if I say that, it's true.)
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (don't use that fat free shit, it won't melt)
2 cups Bisquick (pancake and baking mix--found by the pancake stuff, not
necessarily the flour)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients in a LARGE bowl (No, seriously, I got shit all over the counter). You will have to kneed the nasty pig carcass with your hands. You. Will. Survive. I swear, I did. Mix things very well and squish and squash with your fingers for a good little while. (You will need very strong forearms for this step.) Then, pinch off little pieces--smaller than you think they need to be--and roll into 1" balls. Squish the balls together pretty good. Don't leave cracks because they will open up when cooking. Place the balls on a cookie sheet (I greased with PAM. Use whatever you want. I don't give a shit.) spaced so they aren't touching. They don't need to be very far apart, and this will make a LOT of balls, so unless you want to use two pans, pack them puppies in there. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until they start to brown on top. Make sure the meat cooks through--we are talking raw pork here. Gross.

*My Mommy gave it to me, not google. Google is not my Mommy.

UPDATE: Travis did like them. Verdict: they stay on the menu, and they are safe to try for yourself!

Attention UGA Fans!

Calling all UGA fans for a GREAT cause.

Uncle Rick, a.k.a. Mr. UGA, a.k.a. Dad's brother, has some connections. And, he has in his possession an official UGA football helmet worn by none other than Mr. Knowshon Moreno (complete with all the little dog bones and stuff they wear but NOT signed).

Raffle tickets are $20 each. Note that you will not actually get a ticket, but the names will go on a board numbered 1 to however-many we have, and one number will be drawn from a hat at the end.

HOWEVER, if you are absolutely dying to have a UGA football helmet, Mr. UGA may be able to get you one for the not too shocking price tag of $200. Don't faint, and, remember, all profits go to Mom and Dad to help pay for his ongoing medical bills.

As an update, he had his fourth surgery Saturday night (emergency surgery), and he is in ICU. For those of you who don't know about what is going on, here is the short version: Travis' Dad, Charles, had colon cancer. He had surgery to remove part of his bowel, and it was a complete success as far as the cancer goes. The tumor is completely gone, and the cancer had not spread, at all, so he didn't even need chemo. However, he then had another surgery to fix a little leak where they reconnected things. He went home the day after Thanksgiving, after 22 days in the hospital. Unfortunately, the wound wasn't healing, and he was readmitted the following Wednesday. He had a third surgery that Thursday to pull the muscles together for the incision to help it heal. On Saturday, they did an emergency surgery to put in a colostomy bag because the bowel was leaking inside his body. He developed sepsis from this, and has been in ICU in a drug-induced coma since Saturday night. Margaret (Travis' Mom) hasn't left his side for more than a shower since this started, and she is not working. He is improving, and they are slowly removing the machines that were needed to keep things going while he was in the coma and bringing him out. He isn't home free, but he is stable and going the right direction .

If you know us, and you would like to help out our family, please do not send flowers or gift baskets, please buy a raffle ticket! Buy one even if you hate UGA. You can ebay the damn thing and make your $20 bucks back plus some.

If you don't know us, I swear this is legit, and it will make a wonderful Valentine's gift for your man (because we all know Valentine's is not designed for the men) or your sensible woman (since we all know sensible women love football, not flowers that just die).

You may email me at lindseyatuga@hotmail.com if you would like a ticket or if you have any questions.

The Elephant in the Room

So, it's that time again. Yes, this is a personal post. I know, I know. We hate these posts. Nobody wants to hear about my personal problems. Hey, I don't either. But, this is my blog, and I am entitled to do whatever the hell I want, so you'll just have to suffer through it. Besides, the description clearly indicates that "purposeless personal stories" are part of the deal. Heh.

Anyway, I am feeling the need to write about some stuff that is going on. I don't like to spend much time talking about myself because, well, I'm really just not that interesting, and it isn't like my readership is all that expansive, so I can't really afford to lose people to the boredom that arises when my life comes into focus as the daily topic. I'll try not to drone on and on about shit that doesn't pertain to you, but, you know me, and, let's be honest, being brief is not my forte.

I guess we can start with why my blogs have been sporadic as of late. I apologize to the three of you who actually read my blog. God, I hope there are at least three. Ah, who am I kidding, the two of you. I digress. I have been pretty busy lately. Work has been kind of sinusoidal. One day I'm slammed for ten hours, the next, I sit here and stare at the wall for as many hours as I can stand until I convince my boss I can go home. I've been going out to my client's sites (I have five projects for one big client right now) at least once a week, and there is always a reason for me to be out of work at least one other day every week lately. Whether it is the doctor because my ear is crackling every FUCKING time I equalize the pressure in them (sorry, but the shit is getting old, and the doctor says it's just my head being stopped up, and I have to wait it out), going to the corporate office for the day, or any of a number of other random reasons that seem to come up all the time, I'm out a lot lately. My contractors love it. I'm also still going home pretty frequently to see my grandfather who had the stroke. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, see blogs "Crooked Smile, Update #1, Update #2, Update #3, Update #4, and Update #5.)

On a side (and better) note, he is doing much better. He can walk normally now. He can eat mostly normally (small bites, but all foods). He can lift his arm all the way up, but he still can't use his fingers well on that hand. He can talk fairly well, but it is often hard to understand him. He doesn't slur, he just doesn't enunciate well. It gets worse as the day goes on and he becomes tired. But, he's doing pretty well all things considered.

Now, back to the excuses. I've been pretty worn out from all the driving/riding. In the past week, I've been in the car for 15 hours not counting normal day driving. Ugh. I haven't been feeling great in general, anyway. I don't know if it is the thyroid or just me. So, I haven't been all fired up about much of anything, lately, so I haven't been writing much. At least the election is winding down, and you won't have to hear me bitch about that much anymore. I'm sure I'll have plenty of shit to say about Obama when he gets elected. Until he takes away the Bill of Rights and my first amendment right to free speech. Ah, those will be good times.

The big news just hit yesterday (well the day before that, really, but confirmed yesterday), and that is the real reason I've been driven to write a personal post. Travis' dad has colon cancer. Yeah. He's only 62. We go today to talk to the surgeon. We don't know much right now. We haven't been told the stage, the outlook, the process, the plan, anything. But, I should have some news today, and I'll at least feel better when I don't have a million what-ifs flying through my brain. I need to be able to be there for Travis, and, being analytical, I can't do that very well without facts and figures and answers.

So, that's what's going on. Those are the things on my mind. It's obviously a little more important than bitching about a President we even don't have yet. Although, I guess I could still bitch about the one we do have. He's about slap retarded. And, so am I, I guess.

Hitting Close to Home

So, I've heard all this talk about the economy and how shitty it is. I haven't really been impacted all that much. Sure, my grocery and gas bills are taking a huge chunk of my entry-level salary, but I've been doing OK. We cut back on eating out (well, I did, Travis still eats out for almost every breakfast and lunch), and we are being a lot more conscious of what is going on with our money. But we don't have 401ks yet. My company matches, but I don't really have the extra money to spare right now. I was hoping I could start when I got my raise this year, but it wasn't even "cost-of-living", so there went that idea. (My theory is you miss it less if you do it when you get a raise because you were living on the previous number and you hadn't gotten used to the new amount. My bring home went up less than 100 bucks a month, and I really needed every penny I could get at that point.) But, like I said, we don't have 401ks that took a huge hit, or anything like that. We both have jobs (although I wonder everyday if mine is going to be here when I get here in the morning...). We are really doing OK. We haven't personally been hit by anything extraordinarily horrible during all of this bullshit.

And then I get this email from my dad:

"Well, Lynetta [my step mom] lost her job today. Her boss said that they didn't have enough work, so she didn't need to come back.

"Not sure what we will do about that. Couldn't have happened at a worse time."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!

It's hitting a lot closer to home now. I hadn't really known anyone who had gotten laid off (at least, not anyone very close to me). Until now. And, it's really starting to settle in for me now. And it makes my chest hurt. Like, seriously. As if I needed another reason to be stressed or another reason to keep me up at night--so worried sick that I can't sleep. And, now, I'm even more worried about my job because she had no clue it was coming, and I know our office is having a hard time since of the "change of management" (i.e., the guy who sold his business to our business five years ago opened his business back up this year and took all our clients). Corporate seems committed to getting this office back on its feet, but I can't help but wonder how long that commitment is going to last. It's been almost a year since the guy left. And, we still have no clients of our own--just working for corporate's clients right now.

Fortunately, dad says they can make it at least a few months on what they have put back. It will totally wipe them out, but they won't lose their house or destroy their credit for at least a few months. If my step-mom can get unemployment (yeah, watch her not be able to get it, but some piece of shit who doesn't deserve it--because they QUIT--has no trouble getting it--and, yes, I'm speaking of a specific case, so I know the shit goes on) for a couple months, that will maybe give them a little more time. Then, their credit will take a huge hit when the bills start coming in late, and, eventually, they will lose their house if she can't get another job. Things are tight for them, too.

So, I guess no one cares about my personal stories. I really try to keep it to a minimum at this point. But, I thought this was a very pertinent issue. I hope that everyone can take it to heart. It could be your parents, you, or me next. It's not going to be a very good Christmas this year--and I don't just mean because we won't have any presents.

Bathtubs Save Lives

The picture above is from my hometown newspaper. It is a shot of the street where my grandmother lives with her daughter (my aunt). In fact, the house you can see part of to the left is my aunt's house. That window is my grandmother's room's window. A tornado touched down on the back side of her property. A good bit of trees were down. A lot of people didn't have power. No one was killed, and only a couple people suffered mild injuries. My cousin (my aunt's son) came home to find Grandma in the bathtub. I'm so glad she thought quickly and got in a safe place--an interior room with no windows. I'm happy to report that she's OK. I don't know if they have power yet or not--the phones aren't working. But, her friend told her she could stay with her if she needed to so she would have power to run her oxygen machine. I hate it that I can't be there, but at least I'll get to see her this weekend when I go home. I'm so grateful nothing worse happened.

Crooked Smile Update #5

My grandfather is doing a good bit better. He can get out some words some times now. He still can't really talk most of the time, but he knows what he wants to say. If he can just get hold of that tongue of his, we are all in trouble. He had been moved to the temporary nursing home, but he was having some problems with the feeding tube they have in his stomach (still can't swallow, so he can't eat--tongue is the culprit here, too), so they moved him to the hospital for that. Dad said he walked to the bathroom twice the other day--on his own. That's a far cry from before when he could hardly move his leg. And, he can now lift his arm over his head. He still, unfortunately, does not have sensation in his hand.

When he was at the nursing home, he said someone hurt his arm in the middle of the night--like a nurse or orderly. They were investigating the claim when he had to be moved to the hospital. I hope he can just stay there. I don't want them abusing my grandfather. There is nothing lower than belittling or mistreating the elderly--especially when they cannot even talk to defend themselves or call for help!

He still gets very emotional and goes from being very upset and frustrated to sad and teary. He still thinks he is going to die. I keep trying to tell him that he can't think that. He has to believe he can do this. He has to believe he can talk, eat, walk, and live, and he will. I guess that goes for me, too.

All-in-all, I guess he is doing pretty good, all things considered. If he can just regain the ability to eat on his own, I think we will all be OK. If he never talks again, that's OK with me. We can figure out what he is trying to say. And, with him walking the other day, I think he's making good progress. He keeps saying he wants to go home. I guess he's trying to prove to us he can, in fact, go home and be fine. Unfortunately, his ability to talk clearly (and make sense) and walk without help seem to be intermittent, which worries me most. Please continue to consider my grandfather and the rest of our family in your prayers. Thank you.

Crooked Smile Update #4

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. And, Travis held me, and Pepe laid his head on my hip, and I cried myself to sleep.

St. Mary's has decided that my grandfather is not strong enough to do the intense rehabilitation program that they offer. It is three grueling hours of work everyday, and he just isn't ready for it right now. They have requested that he be transferred to a temporary care facility (short-term nursing home) where he can rest, recuperate, and get daily speech, physical, and occupational therapy suited to his energy level. He goes to a nursing home Wednesday. The visitation hours will only be 10AM to 8:30PM (due to Homeland Security laws, or so I'm told). So, it will greatly hinder my being able to see him Friday nights when I make it there after work and Saturday mornings when I get up early to come back. He will stay there for up to 20 days. At that time, he will be sent back to St. Mary's for their rigorous rehab; or, if he is not strong enough, they will send him home. The latter is a death sentence, if you ask me.

Which, I guess, is how I got to crying myself to sleep. My Mom's Dad died in 2000. He got very sick after having flu-like symptoms for several months. They admitted him to a hospital in Athens, and moved him shortly thereafter to Emory Hospital in Atlanta. They thought it was everything from Tuberculosis to cancer, but they never reached a diagnosis. On the day he died, I called around lunch. I didn't get an answer. I meant to call back, but I forgot. He was given a blood transfusion that afternoon (one of his symptoms was that his red blood cells were greatly depleted), and it killed him. I can't say whether it was medical malpractice or if the stress just did him in. There was no autopsy, and we do not know, to this day, the cause of death or the illness from which he suffered. What I do know, though, is that he died before I ever got to call him back. I forgot to call him back. I forgot about my own grandfather. And, it haunts me. Everyday. It makes me miserable to think that I let him die like that--not knowing that I loved him and I missed him and that I still love him now and I miss him so so so much. I feel very guilty. I feel ashamed. I feel like I have to do this right this time around. I can't let my Pawpaw Tommy die without knowing how much he means to me.

So, I'll make another trip home this weekend. Somehow. Even though I have a party to put on for Travis. Even though I am exhausted and barely functioning. Even though I will hardly get to see him and gas is still an arm and a leg. Because I just can't let this happen again. My dad says I should get on with my normal life, and I should not feel guilty about what happened to my other grandfather or not coming home this weekend. But, I can't. Travis and I haven't been scuba diving once this summer. And I can't even fathom going now. I'll feel so guilty the entire time because I'll be out having fun, and he'll be lying in a bed half-paralyzed, unable to talk or eat.

Crooked Smile Update #3

I went home again this past weekend. It's starting to get the best of me. I'm beyond exhausted. I haven't slept since all this started, and the driving every weekend, and not being able to catch up on sleep are really starting to take their toll on me. I think the rest of the family is starting to feel it, too. But, my grandfather has improved, as slight as it may be. He could lift his right leg for me this weekend, something he couldn't do last week. He can fairly clearly say "Mawmaw", which means his wife (her name is Helen, but he's calling her "Mawmaw" like "Grandma", I guess because it is easier to say). Unfortunately, "bathroom" sounds a lot like "Mawmaw" as does "tissue", and "I love you", and pretty much anything else he says. He has learned to gesture for what he wants fairly well, so the communication as a whole is improving even if he can't talk. They said he may never be able to talk again. He cannot read or write. When asked to write, he writes "wwwwww" in an ongoing looping cursive type print. He can't tell what he's written after he writes it anyway, but he does seem to know that what he has written is not what he meant to write. I think it may just be that he can't tell if it is correct or not. He still cannot eat, and he has a feeding tube in his stomach. This is closely linked to the talking, because it has to do with the control of his tongue. The fact that he cannot write and read, however, means there is more to it than just tongue control, which is why he may never speak again. He seems to be weaker than last week. He can't pull himself up or turn on his side on his own. He looked worse, too, like he was exhausted. I could imagine that he is, since he barely sleeps. His sleep consists of 15 minute sessions of sleep, followed by two hours of coughing and being in pain and moaning, followed by drugs for the pain, followed by 15 minutes of sleep, and so on. My grandmother, who hasn't really left the hospital since this started, is on that same schedule, so she's to the point of mental breakdown from lack of sleep and stress. She is having a hard time keeping things straight (like her doctor's appointment yesterday for a possible skin cancer spot removal), but she is afraid to leave him to get some sleep. The doctors seem to think he is in the clear in terms of this being life threatening, but I fear that the stress may take its toll on his body, and it may just give out. I say this like I've thought about it, and I'm prepared for it. I haven't. I'm not. It makes my eye twinge and tear just to write that, and that is writing without deeper thought and processing, which I refuse to do at the moment. I want to think he is getting better, but he seems to be feeling worse. I don't know how you combine those two to determine if he is better or not. Apparently, the doctors don't know either. But, I trust he is in the best hands possible, and all of his doctors, nurses, and therapists are top notch. An excerpt from St. Mary's Hospital's website states:

St. Mary’s is North Georgia’s first Certified Primary Stroke Center. In fact, St. Mary’s was one of the first 20 primary stroke centers to be certified in the nation, and was cited by the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations as a model for other community hospitals seeking to improve stroke care.

I sure hope that they are all they are cracked up to be.

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was Travis' Mom's birthday, and Thursday is Travis' birthday. Could you imagine being 39 1/2 weeks pregnant on your birthday? Ugh. She doesn't seem to remember that part. She sure looks happy with her "baby"!

This is the strawberry cake I made for their birthday party in its flaming blaze of glory. Nevermind the strawberry milk from the liquefying strawberries. It tasted good anyway. And, yes, that is supposed to be a "C" for their last name.

Here's mom trying to blow out those massive amounts of candles. Travis' lazy ass isn't even trying.

I decided they needed to be wearing that cake more than they needed to be eating it. But they ate some anyway.

And, of course, what party would be complete without a child-licking dog and some good old fashioned child abuse?

And, of course, we had to have a few of the classic "here's what I got, take a stupid picture" pictures. At least they humored me. Good sports!