Moral of the Story: Unemployment is a Joke

I'm feeling like ranting a little, and, since I got screwed by my lying company, I am dealing with the Department of Labor first hand. And, I have to tell you, and I don't want to sugar coat it for you, kids, they suck big donkey dick.

First, the maximum weekly benefit is $330 before taxes (we'll come back to that). I made three times that a week. Yeah, THREE TIMES. I can hardly live off $330 per week for gas and groceries alone! $330 per week is just enough to pay for my non-living expense bills. By non-living expense, I mean my car payment, car insurance, credit cards, and student loans. I am not even counting gas and groceries and miscellaneous expenses. And, I'm not counting any living expenses--meaning rent and utilities. Without Travis, I would have no food or gas or dry-cleaning, or new clothes (necessary new clothes, like for interviews, not wants), or whatever else. And, I sure as hell can't afford to rent any more. I'll be moving back home. Pathetic. Not to mention a burden for my dad.

Second, you have to pay taxes on unemployment benefits. Is it just me, or is that a little ridiculous? I mean, it isn't like we're working. I should have known better, though. They made me pay taxes on my scholarships in college. On scholarships. Ugh.

Third, the unemployment rate is astronomical, I get that. But, it is really that hard to staff these agencies? Hell, put some of the unemployed in there! I called yesterday because it said my PIN was locked out, and I could not log on to claim weekly benefits. It took me 30 minutes to get an answer. She said someone would have to call me back. They never did. I called back this morning. After 30 minutes of trying, I still hadn't gotten an answer. Finally, later today, I got someone. When she looked up my account, she could not find it. She could not find it. I applied two weeks ago. That is distressing. I can only hope it will be in the system by Friday when I have to certify. Not counting on it. I'm getting screwed here. I can just feel it.

I know the State is broke just like everyone else, but something has got to change. I'm not looking for a God damned handout either, Clay. I would just like to not lose my home. I would like to not ruin my credit that I've worked really hard to establish. I would like to get a fucking job doing something besides cleaning toilets. I have done my time. I've gotten my degree. I've worked the crap jobs. I don't think it's asking too much to get a decent one. I don't need a huge salary--hell, I'll take a pay cut. I'll move if I have to. I'm not asking for a bailout. I'm asking for some fucking help. H. E. L. P. Help. Now.

Moral of the Story: Plaxico Burress PSA

I saw this a while back (like, way back, when this happened), but someone just emailed it to me again. I figured most of you have seen it by now, but just in case you hadn't, I had to post it. And, hell, even if you have seen it, watch it again. Because that shit is funny. I mean, just f'ing hilarious.

Moral of the Story: You Just Can't Help People

From my ex-hometown newspaper The Jackson Herald:

"Two White County residents have been charged with Sunday’s murder of the youth
minister of Pendergrass Baptist Church.

"The body of Edward Frank Harris, Jr., 44, Clermont, was found off the roadway near a vacant house in Cleveland around 4 a.m. Monday morning.

"William Joseph Dyer, 21, and Jennifer Dawn Lineberger, 29, both of Cleveland have been arrested in the killing. Both suspects have been charged with one count of felony murder. Dyer has also been charged with armed robbery.

"According to published reports, Harris called his family Sunday night around 7 p.m. from the church to say he was giving 'some stranded people' a ride to Cleveland.

"Officers of the Cleveland Police Department are being assisted by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation’s Cleveland Office, the Office of the District Attorney for the Enotah Judicial Circuit, the White County Sheriff’s Office and the White County Coroner’s Office.

"Harris’ body has been transported to the GBI Crime Lab in Decatur for an autopsy. The investigation continues."

I just want you to realize that the drive from Pendergrass to Cleveland is nearly an hour. An hour. Each way. This man was kind enough to drive two "stranded" people an hour out of his way, just to drive an hour back. (I hope the Lord has a special place for such a man.) And they murdered him. In cold blood. And, for what, exactly? WHAT?! I hope to all things holy there is a special place in hell for these people. A very special place. May they rest suffer (in a fiery pit of venomous snakes, used hypodermic needles infected with AIDS, and rusty razor wire) in peace pieces.

Moral of the Story: I. Ain't. Did. Nothing.

From my ex-hometown newspaper, The Commerce News (read the whole thing, damnit!):

"A Norcross man who drove at speeds up to 130 miles per hour in the wrong lane of Interstate 85 early Sunday morning expressed dismay that police thought he’d done anything wrong.

"A Commerce officer working the interstate received a lookout from Banks County about a vehicle traveling south in the northbound lane of I-85. The officer awaited the vehicle at an exit ramp and, when he saw it approaching, deployed “stop sticks,” only to see the driver swerve and avoid them.

"The officer gave chase — two cars barreling down I-85 going the wrong way — trying desperately to get the driver to pull over. He reported oncoming cars swerving to avoid head-on collisions as the chase hit 100 mph.

"The officer broke off the chase, switched to the southbound lane, caught up with the vehicle and tried to convince the driver via flashing lights and the vehicle’s PA system to pull over.

"The driver, later identified as Darnell Prince Clifton, 24, 5705 Singleton Road, Norcross, kept both hands on the steering wheel, stared straight ahead and ignored the officer. His speed hit 100 mph, later 130 mph, the officer wrote, until he finally slowed down, drove his car into the median and stopped.

"With his gun drawn, the officer said he approached the vehicle and yelled for the driver to shut off the car and put his hands up, but Clifton ignored him, the arrest report said. After a backup officer arrived, they finally got Clifton to unlock the car, at which time he asked, 'Why are you being so mean to me?' according to the arrest report.

"The officers pulled him out and placed him prone on the ground.

"'He began to complain that he was being beat up,' the officer wrote. 'However, no blows were thrown ...' The suspect complained that police 'were messing with him and he did not see what the big deal was.' He also denied fleeing from officers and said he 'tried to slow down' three times and complained that the interstate highway was 'very confusing.'

"On the way to the Jackson County Jail, Clifton allegedly complained that 'I ain’t did nothing,' that he didn’t run into anyone and that he was flashing his lights to warn oncoming motorists.

"He was charged with driving under the influence (DUI), reckless conduct, reckless driving, criminal interference with government property, driving the wrong way on a one-way road, failure to maintain a lane, aggressive driving and fleeing and attempting to elude. Police also discovered that he had an outstanding burglary warrant from Williamsburg, VA."

I. Ain't. Did. Nothing. OK, OK, let me wipe my tears. Now that my sides are aching and I'm coughing like I have COPD (since I've been sick) from all the laughter, let's dissect this.

"'Why are you being so mean to me?'" - Because you're a farkin' arsehole who was driving over 100 miles an hour in the WRONG lane on the interstate!

"The suspect complained that police 'were messing with him and he did not see what the big deal was.'" - The big deal is you are a farkin' arsehole who was driving over 100 miles an hour in the WRONG lane on the interstate!

"'I ain’t did nothing.'" - Yes, you is did something. You are being a farkin' arsehole who was driving over 100 miles an hour in the WRONG lane on the interstate!

"He was charged with driving under the influence (DUI), reckless conduct, reckless driving, criminal interference with government property, driving the wrong way on a one-way road, failure to maintain a lane, aggressive driving and fleeing and attempting to elude." - Now, that's just funny. Who wants to bet he'll be given no jail time and less than $1,000 in fines? Who wants to take my money?

"Police also discovered that he had an outstanding burglary warrant from Williamsburg, VA." - Haha. That's what you get for being a farkin' arsehole who was driving over 100 miles an hour in the WRONG lane on the interstate!

Moral of the story: Don't be a farkin' arsehole who drives over 100 miles an hour in the WRONG lane on the interstate, especially not in Commerce, GA, a.k.a., Small Town, USA, a.k.a. Speed Trap, Hicksville, Rural, GA who will write you a ticket for wiping your ass funny!

Moral of the Story: Don't Work Too Hard

Nobody notices away.