Super Simple Scrumptious (S)Chili

Ingredients:

1 pound ground beef

1 large can (27 oz) Busch's Chili Beans, Mild

1 small can (16 oz) Busch's Chili Beans, Mild

1/4 cup water

Directions:

Brown beef, and drain. Mix cooked beef, both cans of beans, and water in medium sauce pan. Heat to near boil and warm for about 10 minutes. Add onions and/or cheese to taste. Serve with saltine crackers.

Substitutions:

• If you prefer more meat to beans, use about 1 1/2 pounds ground beef and only the large can of beans.
• If you prefer spicier foods, use the other flavors of Busch's Chili Beans. (I believe they come in both Medium and Hot.)
• I do not recommend the lightly salted or unsalted crackers. The salted is really best.

This is much easier than making chili "from scratch", and it tastes great. It is much better than the canned chili--because the meat is fresh--and it only takes a few extra minutes to cook. This is great for those cold (chilly) evenings.

Approximate Cook Time: 30 minutes, including prep.

Approximate Servings: 4

Yummy Cobbler, Just in Time for the Holidays

So, I told you I was pretty much the world's worst cook. That's not entirely true. I can't really cook, but I can bake. Many things, actually. Go figure, the fat chick can make cake. And pie. And cobbler. Mmmm...cobbler. I have finally figured that one out. And it is amazingly easy! Here's the recipe for a large batch* (think 9 x 13 pan):

2 LARGE cans pie filling (cherry seems
to work best, but I've done apple and peach, too)

1 1/2 cups flour

1 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/4 cup brown sugar (give or take, I don't
measure this part)

Sprinkle of cinnamon

1 1/2 sticks butter or margarine

Preheat oven to 400 degrees (sometimes I hike it up to 450, but you will probably want to cover the edges with foil to prevent burning, sometimes I drop it to 350 if it browns too fast). In a large GLASS pan, cut butter into small chunks. Place pan into oven to melt butter. Do NOT let butter start to bubble, as it will smell burnt, and it will splatter all over your nice, clean oven. Mix the flour, sugar, milk, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a large bowl. Stir until well mixed. Pull pan out of oven when butter is melted. Pour flour mixture into pan. Don't worry about how it mixes with the butter. Spoon the pie filling into the mixture. Spread it around gently, but don't stir it into the mix, let it sit naturally. Bake for 30-45 minutes or until the center is semi-firm and not too watery. Serve plain or with vanilla ice cream.

It's some good shit. Try it. It's the easiest cobbler ever. People think cobbler is SO hard to make, so when you make this, they will think you are awesome. Because they are ignorant and have NO IDEA. I mean, uh, because you ARE awesome!

*If you want to make a smaller batch, say a 9 x 9 pan, use 1 large can of pie filling, 3/4 cup of flour, sugar, and milk, a little brown sugar, a dash of cinnamon, and 3/4 stick of butter. Baking time will be shorter.

Look What I Can Do! Sausage Balls, A Recipe

OK, so I'm not the world's best cook. OK, I'm probably close to the world's worst cook. But, I'm OK with that. And, so is my "finance" (sic). So, there.

But, anywho, I am having my future-in-law side of the family over to my house tomorrow to do Christmas since we're going home to see my family. I didn't want "my" nieces to have to wait until after Christmas for presents. That's just cruel. Making kids wait until after a holiday for a gift--be it Christmas or birthday--is just completely and utterly wrong. I hated it when assholes did that to me as a kid. Hell, I still hate that shit. Give me my present early if you can't make it the day of. How hard is that? Give. Me. Present! Ugh. I digress. (Sorry, I got excited about presents...)

So, I'm having Mom and Sis and Bro and their kids over tomorrow. We're going to do a finger-food dinner. Sis is bringing chicken tenders and maybe some other stuff, and I'm doing the rest. I was going to make a cheese ball, but let's be real. I am going to make a cheese dip. Hey, that's in a crock pot. That's not actually cooking. I bought a veggie tray with dip, and I'm making a cake and putting birthday candles on it since the kids like to sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus for Christmas (how sweet is that?!).

And, I decided I could make cheese balls. (I think I can. I think I can.) Yes, me, hell on wheels with flour. I know. Lord, help us. But, my Mommy promises me it's the bestest thing ever and soooo easy. Here's my pathetic attempt in the oven:

I know, I know. They are enormous. It's like Elephantiasis of the (sausage) balls. I didn't realize they would get so big! But, they turned out nice and brown (and done). I even ventured to taste them. Gasp! I ate sausage and didn't pitch a bitch. For those who know me, you know what I mean. For those that don't, I'm only about the most picky eater on the planet. I'm worse than a five year old with brussel sprouts. No kidding. I don't normally eat pork because, well, it just kind of grosses me out and makes me want to vomit. Seriously. And, no, I am not vegetarian, OK? So, stop asking.

So, anyway, I don't know if Mom, Sis, Bro, and the kids will like them, but I am leaving a few out for the fiance to try when he gets home. I actually liked them, and if he likes them, they are still on the menu for tomorrow. Here's the recipe (as if you can't find it on google with the first try*):

1 lb. HOT sausage (Regular makes it too bland, or so I'm told. It wasn't very hot with the hot, in case you're wondering, and I hate spicy foods, so if I say that, it's true.)
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (don't use that fat free shit, it won't melt)
2 cups Bisquick (pancake and baking mix--found by the pancake stuff, not
necessarily the flour)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients in a LARGE bowl (No, seriously, I got shit all over the counter). You will have to kneed the nasty pig carcass with your hands. You. Will. Survive. I swear, I did. Mix things very well and squish and squash with your fingers for a good little while. (You will need very strong forearms for this step.) Then, pinch off little pieces--smaller than you think they need to be--and roll into 1" balls. Squish the balls together pretty good. Don't leave cracks because they will open up when cooking. Place the balls on a cookie sheet (I greased with PAM. Use whatever you want. I don't give a shit.) spaced so they aren't touching. They don't need to be very far apart, and this will make a LOT of balls, so unless you want to use two pans, pack them puppies in there. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until they start to brown on top. Make sure the meat cooks through--we are talking raw pork here. Gross.

*My Mommy gave it to me, not google. Google is not my Mommy.

UPDATE: Travis did like them. Verdict: they stay on the menu, and they are safe to try for yourself!

Top Secret Recipes

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