Bathroom Etiquette

Since I am thoroughly grossed out and appalled by the people who use restrooms I have to use, I'm writing some pointers about bathroom etiquette. The following list is probably far from complete, but it would certainly make my potty experience much better if people followed these guidelines:

• Peek, Don't Push--don't push on a door to see if someone is in the stall. Bend your lazy ass over and peek under for signs of occupying feet. Or peek in the crack to see if there is an animate mass in there. Some doors don't lock well, and some don't have locks at all (a whole other problem), so be kind, I don't want you seeing my behind.
• Flush the Toilet--and check to see if all your poo and paper went down. Sometimes, by no fault of your own, the toilet doesn't get everything. But, it is your responsibility to flush again. Don't make people walk into that. And if you do walk into that, just flush it. It won't kill you. It is stupid to walk into another stall just because there is a piece of toilet paper left in the bowl.
• Tell People You Used all the TP--Don't walk out of a stall knowing you used all the toilet paper, or it was all gone when you got in there, and watch someone else go in without telling them. That's just rude.
• Clean Up after Yourself--Don't leave a mess anywhere in the bathroom. Pick up paper if you drop it. Wipe off the seat if you drip on it. Sweep away hair if you lose some on any surface of the bathroom. Hair is absolutely vile once it leaves your head (or whatever unmentionable it came from).
• Wash Your Hands--this is so important I wrote an entire blog about it. Don't throw your hands under running water for an instant and say they are clean. They are far from it. And I really don't want to open a door after you knowing you probably had all kinds of nasty, unsanitary, bodily fluids all over your hands.
• Don't Talk on Your Cell Phone--I understand you can't talk on your phone at work, but don't go into the stall next to me to do so. I'm trying to potty in peace. I know whomever is on the other line really doesn't want to hear me fart or flush the toilet. Because, hey, shit happens. It's rude to those in the bathroom, and it's rude to the person on the other end of your phone, even if they say they don't mind.
• Bathrooms are for Eliminating--Don't go in there to have gossip hour or spread out your entire make-up bag all over the counter because you were running late this morning and had to clock in before doing your make-up. People need to get to the sink. When you are standing there chit-chatting (which is so gross, anyway--who talks in a bathroom?!) or putting on your make-up, you are in the way. Move.
• Don't Drip Your Wet Hands Everywhere--while I applaud you for at least attempting to wash your hands, you do not have to drip them all over the counter and sling them all over the floor before drying them. Keep the counters clean so people can sit down their things while washing their hands. Bathroom floors are absolutely disgusting, and no one wants to have to sit their things on the floor because the counter is soaked. And floors can become quite slippery when 27 people in a row sling their wet hands on the floor as a preliminary drying procedure.

Like I said, I'm sure I've missed some things, but these are the items that immediately come to mind. Be courteous. Bathrooms are gross enough without your help.