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The Definition of "Married" is Neutered

So, I'm not the world's most girly-girl. I'm not really all that girly, actually, what with all the guns, football, motorcycles, and farting and burping. Wait, let me back up...

Whenever Travis' dad finally gets well enough to come over and eat chocolate cake and cherry cobbler with everyone (his favorites that I make--his real favorite is banana pudding, but he's super picky about that shit, so I don't even try to make it), we are going to have an engagement party and a true announcement. Everyone has been all, "When were you planning to tell us?" And, I'm all like, "Never?" We never really made a big deal out of it because his dad was in the hospital, and no one felt like partying, anyway. He is finally getting on the up and up, and I'm thinking we can probably plan for this to happen in February.

I say all this to say, I need to know if this is just too much of a buttery, dripping, gagging, sweet, froo-froo, fairy bullshit verse for my engagement party invitations. I promised Travis I wouldn't send it to his friends--just family. He was all like, "Oh, my God, can I have my balls back?" And, I'm all like, "No, you're getting married. Didn't you know that the definition of 'married' is neutered?" So, anyway, I need you to help me out. I would make a true little survey thingy, but, let's be real, I'm lazy and worthless and I just don't give enough of a damn.

You can vote by either leaving a comment or clicking one of the little check boxes below the post (either "funny/interesting" or "lame"--we'll assume funny/interesting also means, cute, creative, fun, and any other positive descriptive your dirty little minds can come up with). I added those little boxes so my lovely readers can tell me what they like and don't like without having to go through the trouble of leaving a comment if they don't want to or don't have anything really to say. So, I urge you to please take part in my little checky boxes (now and in other posts) 1) because they are cute and 2) because I love you so much and you just want to do nice things for me because that's the kind of people you guys are. Sooooo, without further ado, here is the verse I want to use (because "Please join us in celebrating the engagement of Linz and Travis" is just so fucking lame):

One starry night, down on one knee
Travis asked Linz, "Will you marry me?"
Linz said, "Yes, you're the love of my life.
I can't wait to be your wife!"

OK, please feel free to gag repeatedly. I sure am. But, please vote or leave a comment. I appreciate ya'll!


  1. Here's what I wrote for your mom:

    My love for you does rise
    From within my heart you see
    For therein your heart lies
    And there it shall always be

    OK you can gag now. And no I didn't steal it from anyone.

  2. Give us a little more than just a stary night. I know the size of the invitations are limited, but I want more.

  3. I honestly do not have room AT ALL. The invitations are tiny, and they have a little heart thingy at the top, and that eliminates an 1" right there, so that's honestly all I have room for.

  4. I think it sounds great, fantastic and wonderful! but you can send the "OTHER" invite to his friends!


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