The Lowest Common Denominator? Idiot

From MSNBC Weird News:

"As the British government was poised in November to re-classify lap-dancing clubs from 'entertainment' to 'sexual encounter establishments' (thus imposing tougher licensing standards), the industry's trade association insisted to a Parliamentary committee that the clubs are not sexual. '(T)he entertainment may be in the form of nude ... performers, but it's not sexually stimulating,' said the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association. That would be 'contrary to our business plan.' [The Guardian, 11-26-08]"

Um, I think you may be doing it wrong.

"Drunk-Driving News: Kathleen Cherry, 53, was arrested for DUI in Carson City, Nev., in December. She is a phlebotomist working on contract with the sheriff's office and was driving to the jailhouse to administer a blood test to a DUI suspect. [KUSA-TV-AP (Denver), 12-7-08]"

Um, at least you have good job security.

"Elizabeth Shelton, 21, filed a lawsuit in Houston in December against the truck driver that she accidentally rear-ended in a 2007 crash, while she was intoxicated, and in which her boyfriend was killed. Though she was convicted of manslaughter, she is now suing for $20,000 damage to her Lexus SUV and for 'pain and suffering,' basing her claim on the fact that the blameless driver she hit was uninsured. In all, her lawsuit names 16 defendants, including insurance companies and banks. Shelton is the daughter of a state court judge. [Houston Chronicle, 12-18-08]"

Um, Daddy couldn't get you off the first time, do you think he will now? Really? No.