Squashed Serenity

The red is my butt (my robe). Pepe put himself here--squashed behind my butt. He loves it. It is ridiculous. That dog is so rotten. He can't stand it if he isn't "up my ass" all the time. Literally, sometimes, as seen here.

Thankful Thanksgiving Day

Stuff I'm thankful for:

• My shithead wonderful boyfriend who does so much for me (even if he can't remember anything I tell him).
• My grandma who takes care of me and always sends me money when I need it most (and least expect it).
• My grandfather surviving a severe stroke and being able to eat with us on Thanksgiving.
• My (other) grandmother for taking care of my grandfather while he is recovering from his stroke.
• My birthday being yesterday and not actually on Thanksgiving this year (next year, that's a different story).
• Having the same birthday as my grandmother (the one taking care of Pawpaw).
• My nice, safe, well-running vehicle (which is still under warranty--yay!).
• Having a warm, safe place to live.
• Having a fireplace and building cozy fires.
• Having a job and actually getting great benefits (even if the pay isn't very good).
• My full refrigerator/freezer.
• My heathen dog that is always happy to see me no matter what I've done.
• My flannel sheets and down comforter, featherbed, and down pillows.
• Still having my guns (for a little while longer at least).
• My mom always commenting on my blog posts.
• My two frequent readers on my blog.
• Dad #2 (Travis' dad) being a cancer survivor and being cancer free!
• A super short commute to work.
• Making a new friend where I thought one would never exist.
• Football games on holidays.
• Christmas being right around the corner.
• My Cubby Snowman inflatable.
• All the Christmas dinners, parties, and get-togethers with friends and family coming up.
• Just having a moment with those I love.
• New jeans that fit just right.
• Sweaters and soft sweatshirts.
• Pajama pants and flannel shirts.
• Someone to sit on my feet and keep them warm.
• Being able to buy some Christmas gifts, even if we don't have a lot.
• Making gifts that come from the heart, instead of buying everything.
• Almost being finished with my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving.
• Turning off my phone/email for the weekend.

What are you thankful for?

Note: Yes, that is my pathetic excuse for artwork. And, yes, that is my midget hand. Thank you very much.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday. Leave me birthday wishes. Tell me, "Happy Birthday!" And, be sweet to me. Oh, and buy me cake. Ice cream cake. From Dairy Queen. Mmmm...

Note: The time of this post is the exact time I was born! And, yes, I know that picture is really gross, but I think it's funny, and it's my birthday, and I do what I want. So, there.

(Fe)Male

My boyfriend, and fellow engineer, sent me an article about women in male-dominated fields (like engineering). The following are points from the article:

• Make sure women are valued (and promoted) in the company before accepting a position.
• Identify the alpha and beta males, and speak to and interact with them accordingly.
• Find a female mentor in the company (or a professional organization if there are none in the company).
• Speak assertively, and keep away from any tentativeness in your vocabulary (e.g., "I think" or "I'm sorry" for things that aren't your fault).
• Socialize with the boys because much important information is exchanged at the bar after work instead of in the breakroom.
• Don't assume social stereotypes, like getting coffee for the meeting or cleaning up after coworkers.

I think they are good points, but, really, to be in a male-dominated field, you have to be what people consider male-ish. You have to be assertive, confident, unemotional, and driven.

Or you can, just be like me, and do every damn thing. I mean, it really hit me today. No one remembered my birthday. That's the whole reason I am taking off tomorrow. Duh. Ugh. Being the only female in an office of men is starting to get old. I'm always the one who gets the birthday card and has everyone sign it. I'm always the one that suggests lunch for someone's birthday. I'm always the one. Am I supposed to buy my own damn card? I'm just wondering.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind being the copy repair man, the faxer, the mailer, the copier, the Microsoft Office expert, the back-up tape changer, the shipper, the IT tech for our office, the receptionist, the administrative assistant, the message taker, the make-it-pretty guru, AND the Engineer. I don't mind AT ALL. But, can I get a little recognition? A raise? A bonus? A pat on the back? Just a friggin' thank you? I like my job. I love the construction review stuff I've been doing and all the interaction with the Owner and Contractors. I just want a thank you. It is Thanksgiving after all. Now would be the perfect time, or, at least, as good a time as any.

The True Spirit of the Season: Giving

So, I'm sure all of you "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader" watchers remember when the Georgia School Superintendent won the million bucks. She vowed to give the money to some specialty schools in the state for the blind and deaf. And, she's holding true to her word, even as she files for bankruptcy.

I just want you all to stop for one second and process that. Yes, I realize this is just about the most hateful, sarcastic, rude, obnoxious, obscene page on the internet. But, the author is human, and the author loves the holiday season. And, this is why. The true spirit of the holidays is giving. Give until you can't give anymore, and then give some more.

I realize times are bad, and we don't have a lot of money. But, I can't agree with the people who think we should forgo giving gifts this year. And, that's not because I want to make sure I receive some. Gifts don't have to be a million dollars, they can be things from your heart or things you make instead of buy. But, let's be honest, who doesn't want to see a kid's eyes light up when they get that new bike they asked for? So, you don't go out on your Friday night date. It won't kill you. Reprioritize your funds a little this month, and do something nice for someone else.

Can't Handle the Stick

From AOL News:

"According to police, a would-be Kansas City car thief was left flummoxed earlier this week when faced with the manual transmission in the vehicle he was attempting to steal. Unable to figure out the complexities of a clutch, the alleged grand theft auto-er fled the scene. On foot."

Now, that's funny right there. I don't care who you are. Absolutely priceless. Oh, my sides are hurting! Needless to say, they caught the idiot. Oh. :::wipes tears::: Whoo. That's my gust busting laugh for the day.

Redneck 12 Days of Christmas

So, the other day I answered the Christmas survey that my favorite Christmas song was anything Elvis, which is true. But, I have to be honest. My ALL TIME favorite is the Redneck 12 Days of Christmas by Jeff Foxworthy.

For those of you who can't get the video, that's

12 pack'a'bud

11 wrestlin' tickets

10 a'Copenhagen

9 years probation

8 table dancers

7 packs of Redman

6 cans of Spam

5 FLANNEL SHIRTS

4 big mud tires

3 shotgun shells

2 huntin' dogs

And, some parts to a Mustang G.....T.....!

Merry Christmas, ya'll!

Why You Should be Nice to Your Customers

Found on AOL News:

"Just a tip for waitstaff worldwide: A little courtesy can go a long way.

"Jessica Osborne was so nice to one set of frequent patrons of the Indiana pizza restaurant where she works that they always requested her as their server.

"'They make your day better when they come in,' Osborne said of the family.

"During one meal, the waitress paused during a lull in her shift to sit with the family and chat. She mentioned that she'd had to drop out of college twice because she couldn't afford her tuition.

"A week later, the family returned for what seemed like a regular outing. But this time they topped their pizza dinner off with a check for $10,000."

Just slap amazing. I almost teared up a little.

You've Got to be Kidding: Dangerous Cities

I found this article on AOL news about the latest study determining which cities are most dangerous. And, I'm flipping, flipping, flipping through to number 1. And, Atlanta is nowhere to be found. That blows my mind. But, it gets worse. Birmingham, Alabama is number 8. In the nation. Even worse: they rank number 3 for rapes. Birmingham. Alabama. That's unbelievable. I think of Birmingham as much safer than Atlanta. Man, I'm glad Georgia and Alabama reciprocate conceal carry licenses. I'd be up shit creek...well, you know...without my permit and my trusty sidekick.

The Thought that Counts

I made this. And, for those who know me, you know how UNartistic I am. I don't know what possessed me to make this, and another one just like it, for my sweet widowed neighbors, but I did. I know it isn't great, but I tried, and I'm really proud of it. And, it's the thought that counts anyway. So, there.

Chubby Snowman

So, I was at WalMart looking for the fire starter sticks I always use for the fireplace. I look and look forever, and I can't find them. So, I go into the garden center area, and walk through the exterior doors. And, here is this GIANT snowman. And, his little stick arms are sticking out like he wants a hug. And, it's so damn cute. And, I just can't resist the urge to hug it! So, of course, I had to buy it so I wouldn't look like an idiot hugging a six-foot inflation snowman in WalMart--not that I don't look like an idiot in my own yard...

Note: The product name was actually "Chubby Snowman". Assholes gonna give him a complex. Poor kid.

"White Guilt"

Someone sent me this Guest Article by Tom Adkins on CommonConservative.com. I don't necessarily agree with everything the guy says, but the article made me think. I know it is long, but read it.

"Look at my fellow conservatives! There they go, glumly shuffling along, depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I'm virtually euphoric.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not thrilled with America's flirtation with neo-socialism.. But there's a massive silver lining in those magical clouds that lofted Barack Obama to the Presidency. For today, without a shred of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to America: The Era of White Guilt is over.

"This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of white Americans didn't give a fluff about skin color, and enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and actively worked with America-hating domestic terrorists. Wow! Some resume! Yet they made Barack Obama their leader. Therefore, as of November 4th, 2008, white guilt is dead.

"For over a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks, retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 60s, American liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist solution. But if a black man can become President, exactly what significant barrier is left? The election of Barack Obama absolutely destroys the entire validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is hereby slain.

"So today, I'm feeling a little "uppity," if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now exactly ZERO. And it's time to clean house. No more Reverend Wright's "God Damn America," Al Sharpton's Church of Perpetual Victimization, or Jesse Jackson's rainbow racism. Cornell West? You're a fraud. Go home. All those "black studies" programs that taught kids to hate whitey? You must now thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.

"Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. Maxine Waters? Shut up. ACORN? Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists? Find another nation that offers better dreams. Go ahead. I'm waiting.

"Gangsta rappers? Start praising America. Begin with the Pledge of Allegiance. And please, no more ebonics. Speak English, and who knows where you might end up? Oh, yeah, pull up your pants. Your underwear is showing. You look stupid.

"Black Fraternities? Seek diversity. Race card? It’s now the joker. Miss Black America? Get in line with all the other lovely ladies. Reparations? Paid.

"To those Eurosnots who forged entire careers hating America? I'm still waiting for the first black French President.

"And let me offer an equal opportunity whupping. I've always despised lazy white people. Now, I can talk smack about lazy black people. You're poor because you quit school, did drugs, had three kids with three different fathers, and refuse to work. So when you plop your Colt 45-swilling, Oprah watchin' butt on the couch and complain "Da Man is keepin' me down," allow me to inform you: Da Man is now black. You have no excuses.

"No more quotas. No more handouts. No more stealing my money because someone's great-great-great-great grandparents suffered actual pain and misery at the hands of people I have no relation to, and personally revile.

"It's time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the heap of the other stupid 60s ideas. Drag it over there, by wife swapping, next to dope-smoking. Plenty of room right between free love and cop-killing. Careful, don't trip on streaking. There ya go, don't be gentle. Just dump it. Wash your hands. It's filthy.

"In fact, Obama's ascension created a gargantuan irony. How can you sell class envy and American unfairness when you and your black wife went to Ivy League schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a mansion, and got elected President? How unfair is that??? Now, Like a delicious O'Henry tale, Obama's spread-the-wealth campaign rendered itself moot by it's own victory! America is officially a meritocracy. Obama's election has validated American conservatism!

"So, listen carefully…Wham!!!

"That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled, and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.

"However, despite my glee, there's apparently one small, rabid bastion of American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barack Obama. Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn't that be 50-50? Tonight, every black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and prejudice towards white people. Maybe it's time to start spreading the guilt around.

"Tom Adkins is the former publisher of CommonConservative.com. He can be reached at tomadkinscc@yahoo.com."

Casa D'Ice: Bring Back the Rotary Phone

Someone sent me an email with sings from a restaurant/bar called Casa D'Ice. Apparently, the guy changes them pretty frequently. You can see over 100 of his signs at his website. I personally don't agree with a lot of them, and some of them I have no idea who he is talking about. He also has some bouts of terrible spelling or grammar, but I like several of them. Here's one of my favorites:

Special Stockings

I didn't have an embroidered stocking growing up, so I wanted one. I got one for the boyfriend and the dog. Are you feeling Christmasy yet? Getting in the spirit at all?

Update: By the way, these are from Pottery Barn, and they were on sale. The small one was under $20 with embroidery, and the larger ones were just over $20. Can't beat that with a stick!

FYI: Going PG-13

We already know that I think the fact that "curse" words are "curse" words is pretty ignorant, but I'm going to attempt to make this a little more PG-13 and a little less NC-17 in terms of my language. I am in no way, shape, or form conforming to what someone else wants me to do. I am, however, buckling to pressure to keep my two regular readers. (Yeah, I know, I'm a sellout.) And, I want Mom and Dad to be able to bring their kids to my movie blog. Not my Mom and Dad, mind you, but somebody's Mom and Dad. My Mom and Dad are over it. The "cursing", that is. Dad loves the titles to my blogs. I think he's afraid to read some of them because of the titles alone. Bwahaha. Mom, well, she couldn't give two shits craps about my language. She just laughs the entire time, anyway. What's a few "curse" words when you're about to bust your gut open laughing, you know? But, I digress. I make NO promises. Because, like I said before, I think cursing is just like saying crap or darn or hooey. They are all just words that you MAKE bad. I don't think there is any difference.

Disclaimer: Read at your own risk. Author assumes no responsibility for the content of this blog. Ever.

You've Got to be Kidding: Paid to Play

From The Detroit News (2005):

"Ken Pool is making good money. On weekdays, he shows up at 7 a.m. at Ford Motor Co.'s Michigan Truck Plant in Wayne, signs in, and then starts working -- on a crossword puzzle. Pool hates the monotony, but the pay is good: more than $31 an hour, plus benefits."

On. A. Crossword. Puzzle. For $31 an hour. I'm absolutely flabbergasted. I realize this article is from 2005, but can you say "We don't know how we got in this mess!"? I thought you could. This is exactly why we are getting screwed right now with this automotive industry bailout. They have these unions with uneducated workers making $30 an hour to do NOTHING because they have guaranteed jobs. Maybe I need to join a union. I might actually get paid what I'm worth then.

And, I know that raving lunatic did not just COMPLAIN about making $30 an hour to do nothing. "Oh, woe is me! I'm bored. I get paid a million dollars a year to do nothing. Poor, poor me!" I hate it for ya, kid, but you got in made in the shade with some lemonade. And then some. Must be freakin' nice.

Note: You should read the whole article this time. I didn't touch of any of the real issues here, and they are spelled out well.

You've Got to be Kidding: "Friendly" Reminder

So, Mommmaaaa and I were talking last night, and it seems that there is a mysterious organization that is sending out these "friendly" little reminders about not being a redneck piece of white trash (or any other colored trash for that matter) in Athens-Clarke County, Georgia. I had her scan and send me the "reminder". (Click for larger.)

Apparently, you can't park on the grass IN YOUR OWN YARD. What the hell is this? You can only park vehicles on "improved" surfaces, i.e., driveways, walkways (hey, it's "improved"), graveled areas, etc., anything but grass, really. I'm a little perturbed by this. I mean, it's my frickin' yard. I'm not parking up on the curb. I'm parking in MY yard. And, you can come in here and tell me how to park in my own yard? That I paid for? That I pay property taxes on? This, somehow, just doesn't seem right to me.

I can understand the problems with littler/trash/debris being in your yard. That's just trashy. Excuse my pun. But, even that sort of irks me. I mean, if some asshole comes to my house and throws his McDonald's bag in my yard, I'm supposed to pick the shit up? How about no? Convicts need work. So sorry.

The part about accumulation of refuse I can get. Not really a problem there.

The part about the "solid waste roll carts" burns me up, too, though. I mean, what if I'm out of town on trash day, so I put it out there the day before? Say I'm out of town the day after trash day, too. Oops, I just fucked up. Here come the "Pretty Police" from the "Community Protection Division" to write me a citation. For leaving my trashcan at the curb for more than 24 hours. Awesome.

Don't you have something better to do with your worthless waste of a life than bother me? I pay my taxes. I pay your salary. Why do you have to mess with me?! I mean, really, the "Community Protection Division"? Shouldn't you be making sure that sex offending pervert isn't moving next door to six-year-old Johnny? Or making sure the gang bangers aren't harassing some kid or raping some girl? "Community protection" my ass. All they are protecting is the city's checkbook. Yeah, I said it. This is a get money quick scheme the city conjured up because they are flat ass broke. Yeah. Flat. Ass. Broke. As in, they are in debt up to their eyeballs, and they can't find any way to cut their enormous budget. So, they have to go to law abiding citizens and harass them out of fees and fines for parking on their own property and leaving their trash can at the curb for more than five minutes and not picking up after littering shitheads when the convicts need work to do anyway.

I think it's funny, though, that they didn't even get the vehicle correct. It's not a Ford Ranger Crew Cab. It's an Explorer Sport Trac. And, it says so in plain English in, like, three places on the truck.

Past Due: Spoiled Brat Sneer

I haven't just flat out bitched about something that irritates the shit out of me lately, so I'm past due. I fucking hate people that go on and on about how they have no debt. Good for fucking you, but seriously, the rest of us didn't have Mommy and Daddy buy us a car when we turned 16 and another one when we graduated high school, pay for our college, pay for us to get drunk every night in college, buy us a new car and/or a house for graduating college, pay for our mortgage(rent)/utilities/groceries/cruises/spa and salon services/etc. even though we have a job. And, we have fucking debt because we worked our ass off to get where we are, and we're sick of you going on and on about how the economy isn't so bad, and you're doing so well, and you're just so perfect and happy and blah, blah, blah. Shut the fuck up. Go work for one single thing in your pathetic excuse for a life. Then, get back to me on that high horse of yours.

Told Ya So, Told Ya So!

So, I like to follow through with all my threats. Here's proof (click for larger):

How cute are we?!

Merry CHRISTmas!

Finally, Someone is Catching On

Great reporting tactic from MSNBC News:

"When shots echoed across Georgia's Albany State University last month, students started running and police cars rushed onto the campus with sirens wailing. Several students lay wounded on the ground, and a gunman was using a hostage for cover.

"Still under fire, campus police rescued wounded fellow officers as Albany and county police moved in to help. The gunman tried to escape and, after several minutes of chaos, members of the Albany police SWAT team found him dead and pulled the wounded students to safety.

"Authorities said every law enforcement and emergency organization in Dougherty County responded, along with two hospitals and the county health department."

I'm sitting here thinking, "How the HELL did I not hear about this?! What am I, living under a rock? I live mere hours from Albany. What the fuck?!"

And, of course, the next line in the article is "It was all a test."

Well, color me red. I was had!

Apparently, the school did a mock event to see if they were prepared. Roberson Brown Jr., chief of the university police, gave them a "C". Not so good for those students. And, they are taking matters into their own hands.

Student-led campaigns for the right for students to carry concealed weapons on campus are popping up all over the place.

"'We’re basically saying that we want the right of all people that are over the age of 21 that already have a concealed handgun license to be allowed to carry in class so that tragedies like Virginia Tech might be averted in the future,' said Cody Smiley, a student who helped organize the action."

But, those opposed to the notion say the fears are unwarranted.

"Federal crime statistics offer little justification for that fear. Violent crime, in fact, remains so low on college campuses that they are among the safest places in the nation.

"A Justice Department study found 62 violent crimes per 100,000 college students in 2004, compared with 462 per 100,000 Americans overall. That was the last year of a decade-long survey of campus crime by the Justice Department, but data reported under the federal Crime Awareness and Campus Security Act of 1990, also known as the Jeanne Clery Act, indicate that violent crime on campuses has not increased appreciably since then."

But, that isn't stopping those who feel that they are "sitting ducks" from pushing for their right to bear arms.

"Paul Chandler, an associate professor of natural resources who is advising the Ball State chapter, said armed students could end a critical situation long before police could arrive at the scene.

"'Whenever a university or school advertises itself as a gun-free zone, they’re basically saying, "Spree killers welcome," because they know everybody’s unarmed,' Chandler said. 'Some people say, "Wouldn’t there be a shootout in the classroom?" Well, a shootout in the classroom would probably be better than a massacre in the classroom.'"

Finally, someone who gets it.

Another someone who gets it:

"'Firearms, put in the right hands, can be used for the good of society,' said Blake Graham, a junior criminal justice major at Ball State University. He and other students on the campus in Muncie, Ind., formed a chapter of Students for Concealed Carry on Campus, a national organization that lobbies state legislatures to allow students with legal permits to carry concealed weapons onto campus."

Of course you have your idiots who think guns are evil:

"Arthur Romano, a nonviolence educator who founded the international organization Youth for Peace, said the focus should be on preventing violence because guns aren’t a deterrent."

Um, wrong again, you tree-hugging, hippie, jackass. I live in Kennesaw, GA. In Kennesaw, GA, there is actually a law that requires all heads-of-household to own a firearm. Go check our crime statistics. We are in metro-Atlanta, here, people. METRO-FREAKIN'-ATLANTA. And, we have VERY low crime rates.

People are just So. Fucking. Stupid.

As Seen on TV: CSI

From MSNBC Weird News:

"Initially, authorities ruled the March shooting death of Texas restaurant executive Thomas Hickman, 55, a kidnap-murder, since he had been shot in the back of the head and the body dumped in the New Mexico desert. Later, however, investigators found the murder weapon nearby, attached to balloons that had snagged on cactus, and in July concluded that Hickman had killed himself but rigged helium-filled balloons to carry the gun away as he lay dying (a plan that resembled a 2003 episode of 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation'). [Dallas Morning News, 7-16-08]"

If it didn't work on CSI, why does this idiot expect it will work for him? I mean, they always catch the guy in CSI.

"But, it looked so easy on TV!"

Well, Voodoo to You, Too!

From MSNBC Weird News:

"Police in Cobb County, Ga., said in October that County Commissioner Annette Kesting had asked local 'high voodoo priestess' George Ann Mills to perform a 'death ritual' on her longtime political rival Woody Thompson ('cancer' or a 'car accident' preferred). Mills acknowledged helping Kesting on some 'family' issues, by sacrificing three hens and a rooster, but said she would never help take a human life. [The State (Columbia, S.C.), 10-8-08]"

I do, indeed, live in Cobb County, GA. I read about this a while back, so the delay getting to Weird News is a little long (I've noticed this in the past), but since it came up again, I thought it deserved a post. Only in Cobb County. Voodoo. Ha.

You've Got to be Kidding: Kids Having Kids

This article really shocked me. I was completely appalled. Of over 10,000 teenage girls surveyed, the average age for when they lost their virginity was 15. The average. I know a lot of girls lose their virginity young, but THE. AVERAGE. IS. 15. That's unbelievable. And, many of them do it at school. I know, I can remember people fucking at school. I know "nap time" got cut out of weight training class because people were supposedly fucking, and I saw some girl sitting in her date's lap at a Homecoming dance. I heard they were fucking. I wasn't surprised, but I am surprised that 14% could be losing their virginity AT SCHOOL. Over half the girls said they DON'T use protection. OVER. HALF. It just gets better and better. Nearly a quarter of the girls that have STDs say that they continue, and will continue, to have sex unprotected. The real kicker for me: 20% of the girls that responded WANT to be a teen mom. One in every five of these young girls wants to get pregnant and have a kid while still a kid. What. The. Fuck? I'm so lost. How did it get to this? I don't remember it being like this when I was in school. And, I am SO not that old. I graduated high school in 2003. I am just so completely lost on this. My sister is 14. She could lose her virginity in the next year, and be "average". That absolutely terrifies me. This is one thing I can disagree with Sarah Palin about. We need to teach these girls something! And, I don't mean abstinence only. That obviously isn't working. Let's teach them what it's like to have a baby at 15. Let's show them what that's like. Seriously. Scare the shit out of these stupid kids. I don't know what else to do.

Redneck Christmas Tree

Because I'm feeling very Christmasy, I decided to post a non-hate filled, non-obscenity laced post for your enjoyment. It is a redneck Christmas tree made out of Mountain Dews. How awesome is that? Mountain freakin' Dews. Enjoy.

OK, I know I sound like total redneck, but it's actually kind of pretty when it's all lit up. I think I'm going to put up my tree this weekend. Yes, I know it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. DON'T JUDGE ME!

You've Got to be Kidding: Disrupting the Flow

I bitched a little about the auto union the other day, and today I have another union to bitch about.

Says The Detroit News, "What do the Emerald Ash Borer and AFSCME Local 542 and have in common? Both are preventing the greening of Detroit. The former, by fatally disrupting the flow of water and nutrients in ash trees; the latter, by disrupting the efforts of volunteers to replace the trees waylaid by the invasive species that's been plaguing Michigan since 2002."

Apparently, the forestry workers (union workers, of course) are pissed because the city wants to use volunteers (as in, unpaid workers) to help with the reforestation of the city. The city has $200,000 to plant 2,000 saplings, and it is just enough to cover the cost of the trees, mulch, and training volunteers. Local 542 thinks the contract is a competition for the city's 50 or so forestry workers who think their jobs are being outsourced.

Well, if your jobs weren't so damn expensive due to the union jacking up the price, they wouldn't have to get volunteers to do your job. Which is more important here: the people of the city or the union?

I'm a Georgia Voter

I don't think I need to remind you that there is a runoff election in Georgia between Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin on December 2nd. I say that, but the fact is, you probably need to be beat over the head with it. What loses runoff elections? Shitty politicians? Maybe. But, mostly, it is low voter turn out. Please, take a little time out of your day to go and vote. It may be the tipping point that gives us an untouchable, Democratic Senate. I can tell you who I will vote for and why, but I firmly believe you should vote for whomever you want because that is your right--no matter how ignorant and misinformed you may be.

I've already told you how much I hate Jim Martin, so it is obvious I am voting for Saxby Chambliss. And, I am a big fan of the Fair Tax. I think it makes EVERYONE pay taxes, and you can control how much tax you pay based on what you buy. Don't want to pay a lot of taxes? Don't buy that Louis Vuitton bag. Simple enough. And, it prevents illegals from cheating the system, which I'm a huge fan of.

If you want more information about the Fair Tax, and you live anywhere near Gwinnett County, there is a rally at the Gwinett Center on November 16th. That's this Sunday. Think about it.

Mommmaaaa Asks, "We are supposed to bail out VIAGRA users now?"

This article was sent to me by Mommmaaaa (it is from Consumer Affairs from 2006 but still very pertinent):

"Lifestyle drugs -- chiefly Viagra -- are costing General Motors $17 million dollars a year and the cost is passed along to car, truck and SUV consumers. The blue pill is covered under GM's labor agreement with United Auto Workers, as well as benefit plans for salaried employees.

"GM executives estimate health care adds $1,500 to the price of each vehicle but they do not break out how much of the premium is caused by erectile dysfunction expenses. GM provides health care for 1.1 million employees, retirees and dependents and is the world's largest private purchaser of Viagra.

"GM recently raised the co-pay for erectile dysfunction drugs to $18 under a new agreement with the UAW and the company has also pared benefits for salaried workers.

"The automaker spends almost $5.6 billion each year on health care. While lifestyle drugs are a small fraction of the total medical bill, every health care expense is added into the price of every new vehicle and is a drag on the struggling goliath's earnings.

"Given the large number of aging autoworkers in the U.S., the industry's Viagra tab and bill for other erectile dysfunction drugs is certain to continue rising.

"Neither Ford nor Chrysler will disclose the amount spent on erectile dysfunction drugs.

"While many government and company health plans have eliminated impotence drugs from coverage plans, GM has more than two retirees for every active worker on its rolls and must negotiate eliminating the drugs from the union health plan with the UAW."

Mommmaaaa's husband Todd writes (in a text message, nonetheless)

"Now the government wants to bail out the auto industry. It costs about 75 bucks per hour to build a GM car. A Toyota car built in America costs about 35 bucks per hour to build. Almost 2000 dollars of the cost of every new GM car goes to pay insurance benefits of the auto workers union. GM spent over 16 million dollars last year on Viagra for its union members benefits. No wonder they're almost bankrupt. I say void union contracts and start over. Are they bailing out the companies or the
unions?"

That's a good point. That's definitely something to think about.

My Dog is Not Discriminatory. He Hates Everyone.

I am sick to death of people asking me if my dog is racist or somehow insinuating he is racist--especially when they imply I made him that way. Pepe "I-am-a-chihuahua-who-thinks-it's-a-rottweiler" Patron is not racist. He is not discriminatory. In. Any. Way. He fucking hates EVERYBODY. Get the hell over it. He growls, barks, and otherwise makes an ass of himself to everyone. EVERYONE. If he doesn't know you, he doesn't like you. Period. Does he need some Cesar Millan on his ass? Probably, but he's not aggressive. He doesn't bite. In fact, he runs the other way when you come toward him. Which, in my opinion, is probably pretty damn smart. And, he's my dog, and I don't give a shit if he hates people he doesn't know because he loves the shit out of me.

What spurred this hatefest of obscenities, you ask? I went down to the hospital today to see Dad, who is cancer free and won't have to do chemotherapy, by the way! Yay! I digress. I took Pepe with me because he loves to ride, and he hates to be left at home alone. I leave him home all day in the crate while I'm at work, so I figure he deserves a little ride.

So, at the hospital you have to pay to park in their garage. Pay. At the hospital. Yeah, I've never heard of that either. So, I get my ticket, and park, and go see Dad, and come back. All the while, Pepe is sitting quietly in the backseat wrapped up in a blanket with a coat on. He's warm and toasty, and he's happy. And, he knows there is a ride home to look forward to. Trust me. I know my dog.

So, I get ready to leave, and I drive down, down, down, and I finally drive up to the exit. I give the lady my ticket, and Pepe's head pops out the window. Well, the lady has a sock cap on and her hood pulled up (it's cold as shit today!). It scares Pepe. So, of course, he starts growling. And, that bitch had the audacity to say to me, "He ain't used to seeing black people, is he?" The fuck you say, bitch? I should have said that. But I'd hate to get my ass kicked by her, and then be blamed, and be put in prison for a hate crime.

So, I politely try to say, no. I say, "I think it's your hood. I think it scares him." To which she replies, "Oh, he thinks I'm a thug." Oh. My. Fucking. God. No, he does not think you are a thug, but I think you are a racist bitch. He thinks you are someone he doesn't know, and he thinks you look funny with all that piled over your head, and he is scared of you because you are only, oh, I don't know, TWENTY times his size?

But the worst part is this woman obviously can't see she is being ridiculously racist and hateful because she keeps going on about how cute he is. My God, lady. You just accused me of having a racist dog, and now you want to tell me how cute that is? What-the-hell-ever. She goes on to tell me that I better watch out because someone might call and report me for leaving my dog int he car. Yeah, someone like YOU.

A Break for Bush

So, while I think George W. (Dubbya) Bush is a total flaming retard, I have to give the guy some credit. He did run the nation. Into the ground? Maybe. Probably. But, he did do it. I think he completely fucked us for a while, but I can say without a doubt that I wouldn't want his job. He can have it. I can respect the fact that he was enough of an arrogant, sick, son-of-a-bitch that he wanted to be President. But, we all have to admit, he had a hard, shitty job. In this article on Yahoo, he says he will return to Texas after January 20th, and he may write a book (Gasp! He can write?!):

"'I want people to know what it was like to make some of the decisions I had to make,' he said. 'I've had one of those presidencies where I've had to make some tough calls, and I want people to know the truth about what it was like sitting in the Oval Office.'"

Well, la-te-frickin'-da. I mean...Good for him!

But, seriously, aren't all Presidencies the kind where you have to make some tough calls? I'm just sayin'.

Double Standard Much?

I'm still pretty pissed off at all the people who voted for Obama JUST because he is black. I mean, I didn't vote for McCain just because he is white. And, I didn't not vote for Obama just because he is black. Neither should you. You should vote for the person who you think will do the best job running the country, which is what I did. But, you've fucked yourselves again, you bunch of racists. Yeah, I said it. You're racist if you voted for Obama JUST because he is black. If you voted for Obama for any other reason whatsoever, you are not racist, or at least, you aren't because of that. I don't know what you do on your personal time.

But, the bullshit racism that's fucking our nation in the ass without lube is going to continue to fuck us for Obama's entire tenure. I read this article on Yahoo that is going on and on about how Clinton was pressured to diversify his Cabinet. He "famously promised to appoint a Cabinet that 'looks like America'". I don't know how famous his promise was, but he appointed several women and minorities to high-ranking positions and accomplished a more diverse administration than those before. Bush continued this trend.

But, Obama is not held to this standard, apparently. Quoting the same article:

"Does our first African-American president, elected with a rainbow coalition, have more of an imperative to appoint an administration that includes minorities in high-ranking positions?

"Not really, is the answer supplied by a group of prominent African-Americans. Having a team of varied faces is preferable and in keeping with Obama’s pledge to represent all Americans — but these veteran black politicians and public officials say the president-elect should tap into the best talent available without taking a head-counting approach, in which slots are determined by demographics and symbolism trumps substance."

What? He doesn't have to diversify his Cabinet? Why? Because he is diverse enough? (“'It’s less of a demand because of the history that he’s making in that office personally,' said Mike Espy, a moderate who was the first black congressman in Mississippi in over a century and served as agriculture secretary under Clinton.") I guess so considering he is half-white and half-black.

But, are you fucking kidding me? He should appoint people who are best suited to the office? NO FUCKING SHIT. I've been saying that from day one. The best person for office should be in office. I just find it awfully funny that they apply this to Obama, but when Clinton and Bush, who are white, were in office, they were pushed to create a diverse Cabinet--seemingly without regard for the qualifications of the person who would be filling the position. And, no one who was on Obama's side was screaming about putting the right person in office. They were screaming, "Let's make history!", and, "Our first black President!"

The article goes on to say that if Obama appoints a mostly white Cabinet, he "could turn off African-Americans". So, the article comes right out and says African-Americans care more about the color of the people in office than their capabilities. Huh. Big surprise there.

This shit is never going to end. What's next? Reparations? Watch Chappelle's Show and get back to me about those reparations.

Custody Dispute gets Wild

From MSNBC Weird News:

"A 21-year-old woman was arrested in Hamilton, New Zealand, in October after she allegedly kicked in the door of her ex-boyfriend's home, then assaulted him because of a custody dispute between the couple over their pet possum. [New Zealand Press Association, 10-8-08] "

Two words: pet possum. Enough said. Wait, I think I hear banjos. Durn-de-durn-durn-durn-durn-durn-durn-durn-durn.